(source)

Hold on to your french fry-topped whatevers, Burghers, because no, I am actually NOT going to LOLcaption that picture with “Im in ur internetz, roulettin ur chat,” or “Im in ur interwebz, lookin at bewbs.”

Because, on this one, I’m on Lukey’s side.  I’m so much on his side that he and I could skip arm in arm down the yellow brick road to Oz.

Google, who you know I love like a pierogi loves a cheesy-potato mixture, is looking for a few cities in which to lay some majorly awesome techy super duper fast Internet doohickey thingamabob, technically speaking.

Mayor Luke Ravenstahl said Wednesday that Pittsburgh would build on the pioneering legacy of George Westinghouse and Jonas Salk by luring a super-fast Internet system to the city, and he urged residents to help him make the case with Google.

Google, the Internet search engine, is seeking test cities for the ultra-high-speed broadband network it’s developing.

Mr. Ravenstahl said Google’s project could make the Internet 100 times faster than it is now, something that could transform education, health care, business and everyday life in a test city.

I want I want I want I want!

Google already has an office here filled with lots of adorable and hard workers with giant monitors and a dessert bar complete with huge chunks of chocolate. [sigh]

Where was I?

Right.

Pittsburgh is a pioneer in Internet connectivity for the people.  Our airport gets regular raves on twitter for its free wifi and Pittsburgh was one of the first cities in America to offer free downtown wifi.  We are all about the easy access to the surfing of the Intertubes. N’at.  This is a natural next step.

Perhaps the most important thing is this: community support will play a role in the cities Google selects.  Are you kidding me?  Come on, Pittsburgh.  We got this.

Community support is what we do.  It’s who we are.  It’s our people and our neighborhoods and our state of mind.

Community support is why the transplant floor at Children’s Hospital is going to be outfitted to the nines, as they say, with XBOXs and laptops and games and movies and love.  Community support is what saved BRESMA.

So what we need to do to voice our community’s support is go to this website Pittsburgh Goes Google and scroll down and click one of the options.  I chose to voice my support and here’s what I wrote:

Because Google already has built a relationship with Pittsburgh and has already made a long term commitment to the city.  Because Pittsburgh and its people support this effort.  Because Pittsburgh was, is, and always will be a pioneer.

It’s your turn now. Go on. Git.  I’ll be here when you get back, probably asking Luke, “Brain or heart?”

Category: Mayor Ravenstahl | tags: Luke Ravenstahl, Make Room for Kids | March 19, 2010 | 20 Comments »

Found on the Post-Gazette’s main page:

Am I outing myself as some sort of sci-fi nerd or would you say “frack” and “frak” have gone pretty mainstream?

Either way, I think the effects of “fracking” are “babies” … or “getting caught doing girls in the public bathroom.”

Category: Random | March 19, 2010 | 15 Comments »

David Duchovny.

Charlie Sheen.

Bill Clinton.

Tiger Woods.

David Letterman.

Michael Douglas.

Ben Roethlisberger.

All “sex addicts” who appeared in cartoon form on the most recent South Park episode.

Thoughts:

1.  If all of those men were ever actually in the same room at the same time, I bet you could catch an STD just by breathing the same putrid air as them.

2.  Whoever thought I’d be mentioning a Steeler in a list of sex addicts featured on South Park and it WOULDN’T be Jeff Reed?

3.  In one part, the sex-addiction counselor asks the class, “In order to make sure we are not destroying our lives with any of these behaviors [circles a list of words that includes 'internet porn' and 'sex with hookers' and one including the word 'cigar' that I won't reprint here because my father READS MY BLOG], what must we do?”

The answer of course is, “Don’t get caught.”

Then the instructor asks, “How do we avoid getting caught? Ben Roethlisberger.”  and Benny answers, “Don’t do girls in the public bathroom.”

Truer words have never been spoken.  That’s a motivational poster quote if I’ve ever heard one.

Someone go and tape that to Benny’s locker for me, would ya?

You can watch the whole episode here.

(h/t Tracy, Gary, Dawn and Tony)

Category: Ben Roethlisberger | March 18, 2010 | 18 Comments »

It’s not every day you get to wake up to an article with this as the leading paragraph:

Just how did farm chickens end up inside campus buildings at Carnegie Mellon University last weekend? And who decided to paint them?

And the headline is straight Sherlock Holmes –The Case of the Spray-Painted Chickens.

So, let me sum this up for you:

Nine farm chickens found roaming various CMU buildings.  CMU calls lady from a farm.  Lady from the farm comes and gets the chickens to rescue them.  Lady from the farm says some of the chickens have paint on them.  Lady from the farm says this is cruelty to animals.  CMU is being mostly quiet about it as they look into what happened.  Two of the chickens are sick. WHY GOD, WHY?!  And lady from the farm says:

“I would think if they’re serious about this and they want to get to the bottom of it, somebody would have called to inquire about how they’re doing,” she said.

“Do they want to keep these things quiet? Is it routine for a college to hide crime? I mean, I think it’s a crime,” she said. “I’d love to see this go public, because this … shouldn’t be tolerated at these schools or anywhere else.”

Oh sweet Lord.  Listen.  Except in the case of pigeons, I am against animal cruelty.  I mean that.

They’re chickens with some paint on them! If the students had tortured these chickens, or burnt these chickens with cigarettes or strung these chickens up alive, I would be horrified.  But that is not the case here.

What did she expect CMU to do?  Issue a press release all, “Yeah, we just want to let the media know that we found some painted chickens on campus.”  That’s almost as ridiculous as accusing CMU of covering up some chicken-painting crime ring like it’s Ben Roethlisberger’s thumb.

So now it’s gone public.  What does the farm lady think will happen now?

Will CMU send flowers and “Get Well Soon!” balloons to the chickens?  Does she think we the people are going to march on CMU demanding justice for the Chicken Nine? 23 million chickens get their heads chopped off every single day. Chickens are food or provide food in the form of delicious eggs.

Get over it.  It was a prank.  The chickens are alive.  The students will be dealt with. Life goes on. I had eggs for breakfast and I’m having chicken for dinner.

Let’s gain a little perspective here before, God help us, PETA decides to get involved, because the last thing we need are batshit crazy naked women covered in paint, chaining themselves to –

Actually, that sounds kind of interesting.

Hey, PETA, they’re painting chickens over at CMU!

Category: Annoying Burghers, Eye rolls | March 18, 2010 | 82 Comments »

It’s time once again for some beat poetry written using the recent tweets of Pittsburgh’s own Santonio Asshat Holmes.

Dim the lights.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. (Not THOSE, Santonio.)

Where’s my mic?

Here we go.

[snap] [snap] [snap] This movie Mirrors is OTC [bongo beat] [finger parentheses] Off the chain. Wut? Wut? Wut it do? [snap] No! [bongo beat] No! I can watch any movie I please! [snap] And no one, I say not a one! Will stop me! [bongo beats] Not even my mom. [cigarette drag] So if u, yeah u! You there! [snap] If you have a problem wit me watching this movie [snap] u r sick! [ANGRY BONGO BEATS] I wonder, I do. What is pot smoke? Who can know? [snap]  [snap] Like I wud tell my chick.  I would tell her! Stop! [bongo beats] I would tell her, God gave ME a gift to SEE [snap] and I’m gone look. Aint nuthn wrong wit looking! [bongo beats] Ben! Ben! Ben! Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! [snap] Don’t write anything else on my Twitter page referring to big Ben. [cigarette drag] Freakin’ stupid people. [angry bongo beats] Lookin! Lookin’ I am! Not for Superman. [snap] LOOKING FOR SEXY LADIES TO BE EXTRAS FOR A MUSIC VIDEO. [snap] Hit me up.  [bongo beat] I’m starting to get addicted to Starbucks Caramel Frappuccinos. [snap] [cigarette drag]

[applause]

Category: Ben Roethlisberger, Steelers | tags: Ben Roethsliberger, Pittsburgh Steelers, Santonio Holmes | March 18, 2010 | 12 Comments »