You guys. It’s going to be okay.

Ben found Jesus.

I know I’m being flippant, and I probably shouldn’t, but Benny brings out the flippancy in me. Gosh. Is flippancy the right word there or would that be better in a sentence about dolphins?

Either way, Benny has found the Lord and he opened up to the Trib about it.

As Ben Roethlisberger’s charmed life appeared to be crashing down around him, following a second accusation of sexual assault, he turned to his Bible.

“The first thing I read, the very first thing, was about the shepherd who loses one sheep. He goes out, finds it and leaves his whole flock and goes to find it,” the Steelers’ quarterback said Tuesday. “And that’s so true.”

The portion of the Bible Benny refers to says this:

I tell you that even so there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance.

So, touche to Benny for pulling that one out of his … man, I really want to use the word ass here, but it seems wrong while I’ve just quoted the Bible. But whatever.

Touche, Benny. Well played.

I’m not going to even venture to give an opinion on this interview, because it seems wrong to question whether someone’s new found religion is genuine or not, but I will say this, I have been informed over the last two months by four different people that Benny has been going to church regularly.

Later in the interview, the Trib asks:

You have the chance to write one of the greatest redemption stories of all time. Do you ever think about that?

OMG, Trib. Hyperbole much?!

Yes, the greatest redemption story of all time will be about the jerky NFL quarterback who partied too hard, and maybe sexually assaulted a girl or two but was never charged, and who went on to win some football fans back.

I bet that story will be in the Bible 2.0 as soon as God gets around to writing it.

The Parable of The Lost Quarterback, they’ll call it.

It will appear right after The Parable of the Golfer Who Learned to Keep it in his Pants, but before the Parable of the Quarterback Who Killed Dogs For Sport and two books after The Parable of the Well-Endowed Wide Receiver Who Tweeted Too Much.

Category: Ben Roethlisberger | September 2, 2010 | 7 Comments » |

1. Last night, I did drills with the Munhall Volunteer Fire Station #4 and I will be writing more about that experience for Pittsburgh Magazine, but in the meantime, here’s me using … THE JAWS OF LIFE … to help remove a car door.

I can’t wait to share more pictures with you and the story of some of Pittsburgh’s unsung heroes.

For now, go donate a few bucks to your local volunteer fire department, will ya?

2.  Here’s Troysus’ new Head n’ Shoulders commercial. Hilarious. It also gives you an idea of what happens to my hair on a humid day.

3. City of Asylum/Pittsburgh on the North Side, which provides sanctuary for exiled writers from other countries, will be hosting a free Jazz Poetry Concert on Sampsonia Way on September 11 from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m.

There will have 17 jazz musicians, including Oliver Lake and 5 poets, including Yusef Komuyakaa, from around the world. There is a free dance party afterwards with DJ Soy Sauce.

But the best part, for me at least? The event’s host?

[angels singing]

4. Where has Burgher Jim Shearer been all my life?! He wasn’t even on my radar and then reader Jay wrote me all, “PLEASE CHECK HIM OUT!” and I did and I watched his Preseason Show and watched him iron his Terrible Towel and watched him trying to explain to children why Ben Roethlisberger got suspended and I fell in love with him.

And who knew he was an MTV2 VJ and the host of VH1 Countdown!?

Check out past episodes of Yinz Luv Da Stillers and Yinz Luv Da Guins on YouTube. I particularly loved him on the psychiatrist’s couch after Sid scored the gold medal goal.

I’m a fan now.

One question. Where is Yinz Luv Da Buccos?

LOL. That would be the most depressing show ever. I’d shoot myself in the face if I was host of a show called Yinz Luv Da Buccos.

5. Burgher Justin Kownacki is preparing to launch a new web-series, this a spin off from his previous series Something to be Desired. You can support Justin over at Kickstarter where you’ll learn more about the new show, Baristas, and how by donating to the launch, you can earn votes on casting the show or even have a show character named after you.

Check it out! He’s promising “more chicks!”

6. Pigeons killed a guy. NO REALLY. THEY KILLED A GUY.

(h/t Carole)

Category: Awesome Burghers, David Conrad, Steelers, Troy Polamalu | September 2, 2010 | 11 Comments » |

Penshead.com found on Picasa a complete set of photographs of Dan Bylsma’s trip to Moscow to visit Evgeni Malkin.

It’s a fun album and I really love the shirts they’re wearing that say Once a Penguin, Forever a Penguin Unless You’re Marian Hossa Then We Want Your Balls On a Stick.

Okay, I made the last part up.

But anyway, so sorry guys, but I need to talk to the girls. Girls, when did Geno go from this:

To this?

It’s all very confusing. And I’m having trouble taking my eyes off of this.

Evgeni has always been my favorite Penguin for his speed and passion, but I have never once looked at the man and thought, “Hmmm-mmmm.”

These pictures changed that. Go view the whole set!

Also, in Soviet Russia, scarf wears you.

Category: Evgeni Malkin | September 1, 2010 | 20 Comments » |

… why I love Pittsburgh today.

1. I love Pittsburgh today because Pittsburgh and pretty much only Pittsburgh would have an art school dress up their dinosaur as Lady Gaga. In fact, this project was done by the students completely on their own. Just students wanting to give Rex a new look. They even built speakers into the shoulder pads, so if you walk by, you’ll hear music.

Rah rah ah ah ah, Rex-ah Rex-a-ah.

2. I love Pittsburgh because the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust was brave enough to do this to their massive email distribution list:

There’s the P-G and the Trib, being all MSM and reputable and respected, and then there’s me, being all caps-lock crazy and EFF!-rampant, and indecisive, and then finally all, “EFF RAOUL!”

3. I love Pittsburgh today because Pittsburgh and pretty much only Pittsburgh would produce such a kickass music video about a Zombie Apocalypse, this by Best Friend Fight and Scarehouse, featuring WPXI’s Rob on the Run and Andy Gastmeyer.

Can’t talk. Killing zombies. BRB.

LOL.

I could have sworn I spotted Tall Cathy in there somewhere.

Also, I love Pittsburgh because I feel real good about Pittsburgh’s chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse.

Category: Random | September 1, 2010 | 13 Comments » |

The end is near.

Saturday is looking to be a fantastic day. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday can kiss my hot sweaty ass.

Bring on the football weather. Bring on the do-me boots weather. The cute little scarf weather. The turtleneck weather. The pumpkin spice weather. Chili weather. Changing leaves. Crisp air. Clean lungs. Chilled ears. Brisk wind. Rosy noses.

Bring it all on, because this chick’s had it with Hades.

Category: Weather | August 31, 2010 | 24 Comments » |