Totally. . . like Toe-tah-lee!

Fifth Third Bank. Ever heard of them? They’re no PNC or Citizens, or even Dollar Bank. They have two branches in the Burgh. The office on the corner of Grant and Seventh has a nice big two window banner. Following in the steps of pretty much every other bank, they are advertising


Whoa! Not just free checking, TOTALLY free! Seems as though something that is advertised as TOTALLY free shouldn’t need an asterisk next to it right? I mean what could the fine print possibly be?

*Customer must purchase checks.

Huh? Do I misunderstand what “totally” means? Let me check.

Google definition:

wholly: to a complete degree or to the full or entire extent

So if I must purchase checks, that isn’t totally free checking is it? I mean it’s not like you are going to get a checking account and not need checks right? After all a checking account without checks is just an account.

Those marketing people at Fifth Third Bank really got a set of huevos on them, no?


  1. Anonymous
    July 12, 2005 10:44 pm

    “wholly”… not to be confused with “wholey”… which means you get a plate of fish with your checking account. Maybe smelt.

    -Wojo @ Grabass

  2. pittgirl
    July 12, 2005 11:00 pm

    I hate it when people are funny without even trying. Makes me jealous. Awesome.

  3. Anonymous
    November 22, 2005 5:52 pm

    How did they resolve the issue? Did you have to call them or email them?
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