Dance off? Hell no! It’s a FISH-OFF!


A big fat round of applause to Trip Weldon, the 2005 Bassmaster tournament director, for giving me my first good guffaw all week (and it is Wednesday) with this quote:

A tie for first that day (Sunday) will result in a “sudden death fish-off” Monday

Not only that, to my incredible joy, I have discovered that fishermen say the darndest things:

  • “There are things now that are being used to fish with, that they don’t even know what to call them. They’re calling them ‘Things’ because they don’t know how to describe it.” Not a “whatchamacallit.” Not a “doohickey.” Not a “thingamabob.” They are “things.” Brilliant!
  • “I’ve seen guys cast a practice plug with a bait casting reel and drop it in your pocket, or put it over your shoulder in your coffee cup.” I have read that quote six times and I still have no idea what that fisherwoman just said.
  • “We’re not promoting two Bubbas in a boat anymore”
  • “If you caught fish all the time, they’d call it ‘catching.’ “
  • “I was looking for a river that I wouldn’t want to put a toe into, but this river has such good color and is so clean that it looks like you could walk right down and drink from it.” Uh, take it from a Burgher. I would highly recommend that you NOT do that. Really.
  • “I personally don’t plan on doing much locking at all. If I lock, I won’t lock more than one lock in any direction.”

Whew! But you know what is NOT funny!? The $200,000 first prize. I might have to figure out how to NOT lock and use some of those “things” and drop them in my pocket. Huh?

Regardless, the Bassmaster Classic has come to the Burgh. Welcome!