Monthly Archives: August 2005

Yoga for Dummies

A little levity to brighten an otherwise extremely depressing day:

A couple things could be going through the woman in the green shirt’s mind right as this picture is snapped by the PG reporter:

1. “Okay, so her left would be my . . . ?”
2. “Camera. Reporter. Flash. Can’t. Move.”
3. “I am going to be an AWESOME yoga teacher!”
4. “That PittGirl is so funny.”

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Chivalry? Yeah, it’s dead.

This morning my bus from an outer county was particularly packed (yes, Vince Sacca, with poor, loud, riff-raff … carrying their LV bags and Ralph Lauren umbrellas while talking on their Blackberrys. Riff-raff can be SO classless). The bus was so full that even the dude that intentionally spreads out over two seats was asked to scrunch up a bit and let a dainty lady sit in the seat next to him.

We’re buzzing down the road when we hit our final stop to pick up one lone woman, about 35-ish, cute, thin, professional. There’s nowhere to sit, so she stands in the aisle of the posh bus while about 20 men remain reclined in their seats and don’t move a muscle, and just go to sleep.

Five minutes later, I’m SURE that the nice, strong guy that I’m sitting next to who is about late-20s-ish will offer up his seat. Nope. So there she stood, getting tossed around in her heels for 35 minutes while everyone just watched.

Is this a result of the women’s movement? Or the fact that someone murdered chivalry?

I have many foreign friends and I am continually amazed when I stand to leave a table, they all stand. When I return to the table, they all stand. When I reach to pour myself a drink, they jump to make sure they do it for me. They kiss my cheek every time they say goodbye or hello. They don’t let me carry anything heavy and they are nice to old people.

I say bring chivalry back to the Burgh. I may be doing horrible things to the women’s movement by saying this, but I like it when men open doors for me, when they slow their cars down to let me cross the street, when they let me get out of the elevator first, when they throw their jackets over puddles so that I do not get my heels wet. Okay, I made that last one up.

Next time, I’m going to get up and offer my seat, just to make those guys feel bad.

I’m not saying it is every American guy that has no sense of chivalry; I’m saying the guys on my BUS have no sense of chivalry. Or they we’re all EXTREMELY tired and needed their sleep.

Either way, if you’re a guy, do me a favor would you? Be a cool guy and offer up your seat. I promise you she will NOT give you a lecture about how women are just as strong and capable as men. She will say thank you and have a seat.

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More fun with punctuation.

Would someone with a better grasp of grammar and punctuation than me (and I’ve got a pretty decent grasp) explain to me why there are quotation marks around the words stop and yield in this little blurb about construction, taken from the PG:

Honestly, sometimes I feel so stupid. But those quotes just seem totally unnecessary.

I’m thinking that maybe the guy they hired to write the sign over at the Federal Courthouse got himself a new “job.”

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Warning: Nothing to do with Pittsburgh and everything to do with giant teeth

You’ve been warned. This is NOT a Burgh post, but as I have said in the past, sometimes I read or see things so absolutely hilarious or ridiculous that I have to share.

So first a bit of background.

Hilary Duff? The Duffster. Know her? Of course you do. She’s been getting slammed in the media lately because she had suddenly grown some weirdly large white teeth. The chicklet teeth. It’s no secret that they are veneers, but she sure looks different.

Anyway, Hilary was quoted by MSNBC as saying the reason she got the veneers is because . . . are you ready? Wait for it….

Hilary Duff says she had to get veneers because she kept chipping her teeth on the microphone while singing.

Whoa! How nasty and rotting were her teeth if she was chipping them on the microphone?! I mean, if she had said, “I chipped a few while playing hockey” or even “while eating hard candy,” I wouldn’t think anything of it. But either Hilary Duff had awfully unhealthy teeth or she is using a microphone incorrectly.

Again, nothing to do with the Burgh. Those posts will come later in the day, after I’ve had my pumpkin spice latte. Hey! I made a poem.

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Summerset Residents say NO to public transportation.

This is so classic. I honestly don’t believe for one second that the rich residents of Summerset are worrying about the noise of an occasional PAT bus cruising through the neighborhood. They ARE however totally concerned with the image problem associated with an occasional PAT bus cruising through their neighborhood.

A few awesome things:

Besides noise and fumes, they say they fear their streets will become a park-and-ride lot and that other areas of the city need the service more.

I’m just guessing that 60 people getting in their cars to go to work is more fumes than all of them getting on one bus and going to work. Nice try, guys.

The PAT spokesman at the meeting said:

“We want to build ridership. This is a great opportunity for all of you. Parking Downtown is $15 and gas prices are going up. Do I need to be a two-car family to live in Summerset? This opens the community to people who want transportation options.”

Um, I get the feeling that these residents are fearing just that. That by allowing buses in, it opens the community to people that are not two-car families. I think these people associate buses with riff-raff.

Then this gem by one of the residents:

“People who are going to spend the kind of money they’re asking (to have a house in Summerset) for are not going to take a bus,” he said. “But we’ve been told buses are coming in, like it or not.”

That is just so ignorant. Not only poor people take buses. Some people take buses so they aren’t turned into mad raving lunatics pounding on their steering wheels every day at 5:10 p.m. as they try to get through the Squirrel Hill Tunnels. Some people take buses so they can sleep. Some people take buses so they can do their makeup on the bus (that would be me).

Many in the crowd of about 60 were most ruffled by the fact they were not part of the planning process.

That would be because the bus service was planned five years ago as a part of the community, before the community was built. That’s like saying, “You didn’t ask us if we want this road to be going over this little hill or around this little hill.” Obviously, the universe now revolves around Summerset at Frick Park. No wonder the tides have shifted lately.

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