Ben Roethlisberger put every question about his poor preseason performance behind him in one quick swoop. He needed only 11 passes, the fewest thrown by the Steelers in nearly three decades, but completed nine for 218 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions. He became the first NFL quarterback in two years to compile a perfect 158.3 passer rating.
Forgive me. You are not stupid. You are not delusional. You are God’s gift to football and I shall never never never doubt again that you know when to worry and when not to worry. After further consideration, my dead grandmother is NOT a better quarterback than you. You do NOT need an Elmo Opposites book (however, may I suggest you read this book?). I shall never again be a fair weather fan. Any person around me that dares criticize your performance this season will be rewarded with a swift kick to the nuts (provided said individual is male) followed by an elbow to the back and then spit on repeatedly as they writhe in pain on the floor. In fact, I pledge:
I pledge allegiance to Big Ben,
and the united team that he leads,
and to the receivers to which he throws,
one spiral, after another, not intercepted,
with speed, and precision, et al.