Monthly Archives: September 2005

Elevators have smartened up.

Downtown Pittsburgh.

My building (it’s mine I own it).

Elevator number 12.

This morning.

Me and a nice-looking business Joe get on the elevator.

Me: Looking hot and holding my latte under my nose so that perhaps the smell alone will give me a little perk. I hit my button to get to my floor in the upper twenties.

Him: Attractive in a Harrison Ford kind of way, tall, 50-ish, normal, wearing a suit and holding a briefcase. Smiles at me and pushes for floor 30.

The doors begin to close and suddenly: Mr. Business Joe ACTIVATE!

He hurriedly jabs his finger toward the two buttons that say, “Close Door” and “Open Door.”

I thought he must need to get out of the elevator, but color me surprised when he finds and presses the “Close Door” button.

“PittGirl,” I said to myself, “that was curious. The door was already closing.”

We begin our ascent. 5th, 10th, 20th. On the 21st floor we stop and the doors open. A lady gets in and pushes the button for 22.

Mr. Business Joe ACTIVATE!

He’s got his finger out again and looking like a harried elevator man who has been told if he doesn’t start performing better he can kiss his job goodbye, he starts hunting for that “Close Door” button. Almost accidentally pushing the “Open Door” button, he finds the right button and smacks it just as the doors start to close.

“PittGirl,” I said to myself, “that was BEYOND curious.”

One floor up. The doors open again and the lady exits the elevator.

Mr. Business Joe . . . you get the picture.

He’s hunting. He can’t seem to remember which was the open button and which was the close button that he just pressed not 15 seconds ago. His finger hovers over each key rapidly going back and forth. He bangs the “Close Door” button just as the doors come to a close.

“PittGirl,” I said to myself, “this guy is a freak. Get off of the elevator!”

So, did I witness a touch of OCD or just a really nutty Burgher who believes that elevators still need to be told when to close their doors?

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I’ve got a headache today. I blame Bush.

I have heard the Bush administration blamed for LOTS of things, but this is a new one.

Real sex ed

In reply to Barbara Devine’s Sept. 21 letter “It’s not intercourse,” I believe the reason many teens think that oral sex is not sex is a result of the Bush administration’s push for abstinence-only sex education. If kids were taught the real facts of sexuality, maybe they would have an idea of what sex is, not to mention how to protect themselves.

Grove City

Huzzah? I would venture a guess that the reason that most of these teens say oral sex is not sex is so they don’t feel like they are doing something they shouldn’t. So you think that specifically telling kids that oral sex is in fact sex, they will go, “Ewww. Sex? No way, man! Gross. I’m not doing THAT again!”

Good one, N.

If any political figure taught kids ANYTHING about oral sex, I think we can all agree that that person would be William Jefferson Clinton.

Again. This is NOT a political blog. This is a blog where I read stuff and put it in my head, let it swirl around and THEN decide how I feel about it. Not democrat and not republican. Just PittGirl.

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The funniest thing I saw on TV last night

The funniest thing I saw on TV last night:

It was NOT Sawyer, after removing a bullet from his shoulder with his bare hands while floating on a raft out in the middle of Lost-sea, asking Michael if he happened to have a band-aid on him. (Funny)

It was NOT Stella on CSI: NY, after listening to Hill explain that the contents of a jar he is holding is the blahbitty blah lobe of the brain of a man that fell from the Empire State building, saying, “See, I knew this would be a no brainer for you.” (Dumb)

It was the very early scenes of E-Ring in which a car pulled into a gas station and the sign indicated that a gallon of unleaded gas was $1.98.


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This is my ass

So I went to Kaufmanns this afternoon for the first ever Prescriptives gift time (males, don’t ask) and then headed across the street to Sbarro because a slice of pizza had my name on it. Really, it spelled out PittGirl in pepperoni. Very weird.

I digress. As I leave Sbarro, I am enjoying the beautiful day when the ass of the chick walking in front of me grabs my attention. She was wearing jeans and the entire ass portion of those jeans was covered in gold sparkly things that formed the outline of a butterfly. I was transfixed. It wasn’t even that nice an ass. And I may be a straight woman, but I know when another woman has a nice ass. Still I looked away, only to see the sparkle in the corner of my eye and was again transfixed. I couldn’t look away. I said to myself, that is the point of the jeans: to scream out, “This is my ass, people! Take a good, long look!”

The woman was in her twenties. Realizing I looked like a leering sicko, and a female one at that, I sped up so that I could pass her and relieve myself of the offending hypnotic glare.

Then, one block up, there is a mother walking with a young girl. Let’s say the girl is 11-ish. That girl is wearing sweatpants with the word “dream” spelled out in big letters on the ass. Having no desire to be staring at an 11-year-old child’s ass, I was thrilled that I had reached the intersection where I could cross the street.

So my deal is this. Why allow your child to wear anything printed, glued, hot-ironed or sewn into the ass when all that is obviously designed to do is draw attention to the ass. Do you want people looking at your child’s ass?!

This is a trend I am REALLY glad is starting to fade away. PLEASE someone tell me that this trend is starting to fade away. I blame Britney Spears. I don’t know why, but I feel like this is her fault.

Also, ladies? The lipgloss is to die for. You must rush out right now to Kaufmanns and shell out 39 bucks. Go! I’ll still be here when you get back.

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Run for your lives!

I don’t know about you, but NOTHING makes me more motivated to purchase tickets with a newly merged airline, like seeing a lady in a crappy Statue of Liberty costume prancing through the airport with the scariest looking stork I’ve ever seen in my life. Not low ticket prices, not good customer service, not the assurance that my bags will actually be there at my destination when I am. Nothing. If you listen closely, and put your ear up to your monitor, you can hear the anguished screams of children fleeing the duo.

US Airways and America West are marketing geniuses I tell you! I bet they post a six bajillion profit next quarter. You just watch.

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