When bitch-slapping is perfectly PC

So, how many of you are planning to camp out tomorrow night so that you can be the first in line for the new Chick-fil-A opening in South Hills?

This might be one of the more hilarious, hyperbolic (that’s the language communications people speak) press releases I have ever read.

  • “It becomes a huge tailgating party with campers enjoying several activities throughout the evening such as games, music, prizes, and a midnight Ice Dream party.”
  • “In virtually every region of the country groups of dedicated Chick-fil-A customers have begun to attend multiple openings, with some raving fans camping out at eight or more grand openings. Last year, Dan Cathy attended events at more than 50 grand openings and spent the night outside at more than 25. The event has even attracted campers who had never tried Chick-fil-A.”
  • “Even the most extreme weather conditions — floods, tornado warnings, freezing rain and temperatures, 60 mile-per-hour winds — haven’t kept Chick-fil-A raving fans away.”

Actually, you are allowed to start camping out 24 hours before the opening, so that would mean you could sit outside from 6:00 a.m. tomorrow morning until they open the store Thursday morning. What the hell are you waiting for?! It is only going down to 34 degrees tomorrow night with a nice, light drizzle courtesy of the Drizzle of 2005.

By the way, if you are NOT homeless and/or really really poor and you meet me one day and then proceed to tell me the story of the time you camped in the cold, freezing rain for 24 hours to be the first in line for something, and that something is NOT tickets to the Stones, Madonna, U2, the Wiggles or the like, but was for 52 free meals of chicken and fries, I will laugh in your face right then and then attempt to bitch-slap some sense into you.


  1. Amos_thePokerCat
    October 25, 2005 4:47 pm

    Answer: Stones, Madonna, and the opening of a new Chick-fil-a.

    Question:Name three things you have to wait in line for in order to see scrawny old chicken legs?

    Rock of aged, la, la la, …

    That and South Park spoofing Rod Steward.

  2. Anonymous
    November 22, 2005 6:02 pm

    How did they resolve the issue? Did you have to call them or email them?
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