Monthly Archives: November 2005
- Why are the revolving doors to the Omni William Penn so damn heavy? I’d just like to go in and get my latte without having to manually advance the Kennywood carousel. For real. I’ve seen old people not be able to budge them an inch.
- Why does Kelly Frye always look so concerned about everything? Today, I thought she was going to shed tears over two school closings due to water main break and power outage.
- Why did Woy disappear? Did the hookah get to him? Or is he still in New Orleans doing good deeds?
- Why am I, for the first time EVER, a little bit scared of the Cincinnati Bengals?
- Why did you park at the Mon Wharf? If you did? Go get your car buddy. It’s flooded.
In trying to rid a North Side parking garage of problematic pigeons, operators have made the garage sound like a zoo.
Terrell Jefferson, director of facilities for Allegheny General Hospital, which maintains the garage, wired the facility with a sound system that plays a loud and continuous loop of squawks and screeches of hawks and owls — two primary enemies of pigeons — and the high-pitched shrieking of monkeys.
As he talked during an interview in the garage, two pigeons flew nearly over his head and landed on a water pipe.
Jefferson smiled. “That’s why I said some of them have to be deaf.”
See that Burghers? Those two pigeons? Yeah, they were a warning for Mr. Jefferson. Probably right now, the North Side Pigeons have struck a deal with the Market Street Pigeons, (you know the ones that crowd atop the Circle Bar), and are planning to let Mr. Jefferson have it.
I mean, come one, pigeons are the smartest animals on the planet. I know this. They have no fear of humans, and that is something they LEARNED to deal with, along with cars and buses and other things that weren’t really around 100 years ago. So believe you me, these pigeons have already figured out that it’s a wired audio and are probably dismantling it as I write, all the while plotting which of Mr. Jefferson’s eyeballs to go at first.
The pigeons! The damn pigeons.
Found this lovely article about a girl that was forced to go to the bathroom and remove her nipple piercings in order to get through the security checkpoint at Pittsburgh International.
Attention, travelers with nipple piercings: If you plan to fly out of Pittsburgh International Airport this holiday season, bring your pliers.
Otherwise, you might miss your flight.
At least one passenger who traveled through Pittsburgh learned this the hard way. She had to remove her piercings in a restroom after airport security told her she couldn’t get on a plane with her hardware intact.
A few thoughts:
- Christina Aguilera is screwed. (Note: This link will take you to the Superficial.com, which can be considered slightly not safe for work.)
- Do you REALLY need pliers to remove a nipple piercing?!? Really?! Just … ew.
And what the hell was up with a third quarter onside kick? Who gave Bill Cowher stupid pills?
FRANKLIN, Pa. — A man’s body was apparently mistaken for a dead deer along a state highway, police said.
The body was lying along the road for as long as three days, authorities said. He was wearing tan clothing, which apparently led passing motorists to assume it was a dead deer, Venango County Coroner John Greggs said.
A Pinegrove Township employee reported the body yesterday after noticing the man’s shoes, Mr. Greggs said.
I don’t know about you, but I’d like to think that I could tell the difference between a dead deer and a dead human. Unless this was a giant human, with tiny tiny feet … whose arms were the same length as his legs.
So the moral of the story is this: If you are going to get hit by a car and die on the side of the highway and would like anyone to notice that you got hit by a car and died on the side of the highway, make sure you very clearly look human.