My bus driver is going to die … Imminently.

My bus driver is fat. Seriously. I’m not trying to be mean here or to insult all fat people, but if you yourself weigh 250 pounds and you saw my bus driver, you would go, “OMG. HUGE!” For real.

He is seriously obese. If I had to guess, I’d say at least 350 lbs. He’s like … much bigger than John Goodman but smaller than a bus. The problem is that he is so fat that his huge belly pushes up hard against the steering wheel, so that every time he even shifts the wheel ever so slightly, his big belly shifts too. And because he is so massive, he can’t do that cool thing that other bus drivers do when they make a turn … you know, they put one hand heel on top of the steering wheel and then proceed to whip that shit around as fast as they can six times right, then six times left.

No, instead my bus driver has to just inch the steering wheel by holding two hands on the bottom of it. Then inch it back. It takes FOREVER and a day to just turn a corner. We are always behind schedule when he drives.

My question is this … is it wrong of me to want my bus driver to be healthier than this monster is? I am terrified that when the french fries finally get to him and he has his heart attack, which you just know is inevitable, that he will be driving my bus on the Westinghouse Bridge and plunge us over it.

I think there needs to be a weight limit and an age limit for bus drivers so that PittGirl can rest easy that she isn’t going to find herself careening all over the highway while another rider tries to pull up the 600 lb. mammal that is now slumped over the steering wheel with his 300 lb. foot resting on the gas.

I’m going to write a letter.

Also? If you go to Google Images and type “fat,” you will vomit. Seriously. Don’t do it.

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