Dear Jerome Bettis:

Dear Jerome Bettis,

I like you, I do. But I don’t feel one bit sorry for you and your lost $67,000 in jewelry, ice, and bling.

You put a $31,000 watch and a $35,000 bracelet with 270 diamonds (that I bet looks completely gay on you) in an unlocked locker (IT’S CALLED A LOCKER BECAUSE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LOCK IT!) in Detroit and you forgot about it until a whole MONTH LATER when you say to yourself, “Bussy! Where the f#*$ is your sixty seven thousand dollars worth of bling?!”

Dude. $67,000 is more than most Burghers make in a year. We don’t want to hear about it.

Suck it up and go buy yourself some new bling. And then keep closer tabs on that shit. Between you and Duce misplacing gs and gs worth of jewelry, I’ve had about enough. At least Duce realized immediately that he was without his bling. You didn’t realize it for 30 whole days. That’s ludicrous.

Of course, that just might be the NyQuil talking.




  1. john altdorfer
    March 11, 2006 11:42 pm

    Okay, I can relate on a certain level. A few years ago, I either lost my USAir Visa card around Christmas. Or maybe it was stolen. I can’t be sure because I didn’t notice it was missing for more than a month. By that time, someone had rung up more than $2000 of purchases. Even though the credit card rep didn’t think my question about keeping the air miles was all that funny, the illegal purchases did indeed end up on my Frequent Flyer account and helped get me to San Francisco. And I didn’t have to pay any sort of deductible. Hey, could you help me find my Casio digital wristwatch that I left in the “O” bathroom last week?

  2. pittgirl
    March 12, 2006 11:13 am

    Hah. That made me laugh John. But see, a credit card lost/stolen is different that losing 67,000 worth of jewelry for a month. You might not use that particular credit card very often, but damn, Jerome should have realized he was without his trusty 35k watch. But then again, it’s all relative right? Maybe a Rolex is basically a Casio digital to Jerome.

  3. john altdorfer
    March 12, 2006 12:35 pm

    Actually, I’ve been pondering the idea of calling Jerome or Duce to help lose my 1996 Dodge Caravan that’s been sitting in front of my house now for three months without moving. No matter how much I ignore it, the damn van won’t leave.

    Honestly, I don’t drive much. So I can be totally unaware of where my keys are for days at a time. Same with my wallet. I can imagine if I made $7 million a year, a Rolex would seem so incidental. My real goal in life is to eventually be fabulously wealthy enough to lose at least one $67,000 item a month…and not even notice.

    Yes, the rich are different than the rest of us. They can afford to lose more expensive stuff that we can.