That's Church

PittGirl likes Walmart and Sam’s Club. Shoot me. I don’t shop there that often, but do occasionally and have never jumped on the “Walmart is evil” bandwagon.

Until freaking now that is!

Holy shit! If this story is true I am going to assume that WalMart/Sam’s has a tracking device on my car, a chip implanted in my hand, and cameras on me a la The PittGirl Show.

He was at the Sam’s Club in Monroeville with his eight-month pregnant wife with a shopping cart full of baby stuff.

That’’s when Sam’s security people grabbed him, took his membership card and told him to leave.

He wondered if they had the wrong guy and they did.

“You’ve been identified by our scanning system. You’re not going to be allowed to purchase these items and you must leave and never come back. Otherwise, you will be prosecuted,”” that’’s what Harcsar says he was told.

Sam’’s Club officials even confiscated his club card from the cashier.

Harcsar says the general manager and security personnel told him they had him on tape, from their surveillance cameras, shopping at a Tarentum store and a Greensburg store.

They also said they had his truck on tape and they knew his eating habits.

But no one explained anything about what he supposedly did wrong.

They have his truck on tape? They know his eating habits? What is the “scanning system”? Who the hell did they think this guy was? It couldn’t have been they thought he was a shoplifter because they would have just called the cops and hauled his ass away. What does a person do that makes Sam’s Club tell them they aren’t allowed to spend money there anymore?

I’m so confused. And more than a little paranoid at the WalMart people now. They’re probably all scientologists. Calling people scientologists is basically my answer for everything I don’t understand.

For instance…

• How does Don Cannon have a job? The scientologists.
• Why is it raining? The scientologists.
• Why did Randle-El leave us? The damn scientologists.
• Why haven’t I met David Conrad yet?!?! THE. DAMN. SCIENTOLOGISTS.

Watch your backs out there. WalMart is watching!

Yesterday, again, the boringest boring day. No severed penises. No pigeon snipers. Bobby O didn’t take any names. Hell, even American Idol was a total snooze-fest … or suck-fest. Your pick.

I was so bored that as I checked the KDKA website and noticed an older picture of Sonni Abatta as a blonde, I wondered if she was hotter as a blonde or a brunette.

Definitely blonde.

I guess I’ll slip back into my coma now.

1. Yesterday on the RR/RW Gauntlet II, Susie was part of the winning team that banked $240,000 between nine players. She said upon winning, “I’m just a girl from Pittsburgh …” And them BAM!, the whole world is Googling “Susie from Road Rules” and other such things as they relate to her and Timmy … also from Pittsburgh.

To answer your questions, people of the world:

• Yes, Susie and Timmy were engaged at one point.
• Timmy’s last name is Beggy.
• Yes, Susie is married.
• No, Timmy does not appear to be married.
• Yes, Susie lives in the Burgh. Woy tells us that she works at Fox and Hound at Northway Mall in the North Hills.
• And yes, yesterday was by far the most anticlimatic finale. Ever.

2. Yesterday, on a whole, was the boringest Burghy news day in a long time. I pretty much fell asleep reading the PG and woke up with newspaper print on my cute little forehead.

3. Yesterday on the way home, I set next to a middle-aged dude on the bus. He seemed to have ADD, an addiction to speed, and a case of cooties and ants in his pants all at the same time. He couldn’t sit still and kept very very plainly adjusting his crotch. They only men I want to ever see adjusting their crotches are hot, fit professional athletes. Not businessmen doing it quasi-masturbatorily on the bus while sitting next to me. I now feel 20% more gross than I did before I even started this post. Erg. I’m so glad I’m not a guy.

Remember those days when you were 17 and you and your friends would hop in the car around 10:00 p.m. or so during the summers and head over to Eat n’ Park because it was the only place open to you as an under 21 individual to hang out and have fun. You’d have a dessert and pop, maybe some fries, hang out until about midnight then proceed to drop your friends off at their houses before heading home?

Those days may be over. State Rep. Katharine Watson is on the warpath and plans to curb the freedoms of drivers aged 16 and 17.

What will probably anger some young drivers, and maybe even their parents, is her plan to prohibit a junior driver from carrying more than one teenage passenger at a time in his or her car.

She can’t be serious! My entire 17th and 18th years of life were spent hanging out with more than one friend at a time. This is going to just make teens take three cars instead of one car.

Mrs. Watson also wants to give state or local police authority to stop — and, if necessary, cite — a young driver simply for not wearing a seat belt

“As the number of teens in a vehicle rises, the probability of a horrific accident really rises. We are killing too many teenagers.”

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been killing any teenagers by holding a gun to their heads and demanding they have no sense of self-preservation, that they drive erratically and not wear their seatbelts. Seems to me that would be a decision they are making on their own.

When I have a teenage child, I will totally take care of my shit so that should my child drive unsafely, too fast, or not wear his seatbelt, the wrath of me — and that’s a lot of wrath — will rain down on him in a way that will make him want to drive his own ass to jail — seatbelt in place — for protection.

I got an interesting email from that hottie Anthony of Tunesmith & Anthony and it is a must share. In fact, with Anthony’s express written permission, I am sharing the whole shebang:

Since you posted the upper half of the photo of the mayor running across the street the other day during the sniper crisis, I thought I would get your opinion on it because I’ve been debating a co-worker about it for a couple of days. Here’s a link to the full photograph:

A co-worker thinks that both of the feet in the lower right-hand corner are those of the mayor. If that were the case, both of his feet would be behind him which would suggest that either the mayor is about to fall flat on his face if not for the officer clutching his coat, or the mayor is about to leap into the sky like Superman to save his wife. On the other hand, I believe that the second foot in the photo belongs to the officer.

What do you think?

I really hope that my co-worker is right, because if you look at that thinking that both of those feet are the mayor’s, it looks like the cop is carrying the mayor like a suitcase.

I responded:

Now that I’ve stopped laughing, I can reply.

I did see the full image as well glaring at me from the front of the PG and at first did a double take that the Mayor must weigh about forty pounds for that dude to be carrying him like a sack of taters.

Then I looked closer and realized that the other back leg is most likely that of his fearless, risking his life for no reason bodyguard. So I’m with you on this one.

I beseech you to post that exact email to your blog because it totally rocks and is the funniest email I’ve received in ages.

And maybe we all need to be asking ourselves: Is Bob O’Connor Superman?! I’d posit he bears a striking resemblance to Jor-El.

Hmm. We may be on to something. Maybe he wore the vest to cover up the S logo.

If Anthony and PittGirl disappear from the face of the Earth, you know we were on to something with this Bob O’Connor IS Jor-El stuff.