Dear Kevin McClatchy,

You’re pretty okay looking, you know that? Just saying.

But dude? You suck as a baseball team owner. I’m not going to lie and say that I personally know what exact role you play specifically in the performance of the team, but the buck has got to stop somewhere right?

Did you listen to your players yesterday after their loss? They are apparently sliding down a rainbow into a sunny field of daisies and cotton candy and cute little bunny wabbits where the world is a big ball of perfect.

  • “We’re playing good baseball,” shortstop Jack Wilson said. “Man … we just need something to fall.”
  • “We’re a good team,” Burnitz said. “I doubt we’re going to lose every game this year.”
  • Tracy spoke effusively of his team’s work ethic. “We’ve got a tremendous amount of baseball to play in 2006,” he said. “If we get that kind of effort the whole way, we’re going to be all right.”
  • “We just have to get these first few outings out of the way,” Grabow said. “It will come around.”
  • “You cannot measure us based on two games,” Torres said in a quiet clubhouse. “We’re just finding a rhythm. We believe we can get the job done. Look at what we’ve done the past few years. If we pitch up to our abilities, there’s no doubt we’ll get it done.”

I’d like to say this.

  • You are NOT playing good baseball.
  • You are NOT a good team.
  • Effort-schmeffort. Some freakin’ results would be nice.
  • It may NOT come around.
  • We CAN judge you on two games.
  • What the hell did you do “the past few years”?!?!? I just …. huh?
  • Get WHAT done? Don’t say “World Series” please because I am drinking a chai and that shit burns coming out the nasal passages.

And then there’s YOU. You have extended the contract of your LOSING GM before his contract was up. Why not give the loser a chance to win before rewarding him? Noooo. Instead you say:

“He understands that our scouting and player-development system is the lifeblood of this ballclub and the key to our sustained success.”

Sustained success? You can’t sustain something you don’t have. You can sustain your losing record, sure, but your “success”? Dude that doesn’t even make sense. Are you sliding down a rainbow right now too? Can I have some of what you’re having?

You’ve taken out full page ads in the PG extolling the virtues of your management style, but I’m not seeing much progress.

Can we make a deal? If you don’t end the season above .500 this year, you agree to sell the team, preferably to Mark Cuban.

If you DO end the season above .500 for the first time in 14 years (day-um!) PittGirl will name herself the Annoying Burgher of the Week.




  1. Anonymous
    April 5, 2006 1:00 pm

    Preach on sister!

    The Pirates are a joke, have been for all these years and will continue that trend this year.

  2. Anonymous
    April 5, 2006 2:12 pm

    Too bad about the Bucs, I grew up a Pirate fan with Bill Maz, Roberto Clemente, Willie S. I thought I would never be a Cards fan, but the Pirates made it easy. Its really up to the owners to field a good team, and the Coach must make it work. .500 ball? I’d be really suprised

    Chef Mike

  3. Julie_Gong
    April 5, 2006 3:49 pm

    I saw him in person once at a Pitt game and he is much hotter in person. That was a couple years ago but…

  4. pittgirl
    April 5, 2006 3:59 pm

    I agree. I saw him walking out of the USS Tower one day and he was wearing these awesome black rimmed glasses. Smokin’. I can admit that.

  5. Anonymous
    April 8, 2006 10:33 pm