Monthly Archives: May 2006

Not just Pittsburgh. GREATER Pittsburgh.

The next time you are sitting with your friends having lunch downtown and the conversation goes something like this:

Person: Hey, I saw today on the Greater Pittsburgh Convention and Visitors Bureau webpage that the arts festival is starting. We should go.

Person 2: Yeah. Hey maybe Nikki can come too. Let’s stop and see her.

Person: Where?

Person 2: She works at the Greater Pittsburgh Convention and Visitors Bureau.

Person: Awesome! Let’s go. Hey, you know what’s great about the Greater Pittsburgh Convention and Visitors Bureau? They have this cool Navigaytor that outlines the gay-friendly events in the Burgh!

Person 2: That is cool. Hey, look, here we are at the Greater Pittsburgh Convention and Visitors Bureau!

Greeter: Welcome to the Greater Pittsburgh Convention and Visitors Bureau, how may I help you?

That’s exhausting, eh? Good news.

Or you could be like me and just have been calling it the “Visitors Bureau.”

I’m a wombat.

From a photo in the Trib today.

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The “Gamecocks”? The GAMECOCKS?!? Are you kidding me with this?

No way in hell would I attend a college whose official name is the Gamecocks. And because PittGirl does not follow college sports in any way shape or form, the Gamecocks are new to me.

I’d be a Boll Weevil, a Wombat, or even a Bandicoot before I was a Gamecock.

I didn’t even know what a gamecock was until I Googled it, and it is what it sounds like.

game·cock n.

A rooster trained for cockfighting.


In case you didn’t know.

In case you didn’t know. I hate the Parkway East more than I hate Paris Hilton, pigeons, and pompous politicians all rolled into one.

It is ALWAYS on the days I have to drag my car to town that hell breaks loose. This morning, some asshole broke down inside the Squirrel Hill tunnels, forcing the inbound lanes to back up to New Jersey. You think I’m exaggerating don’t you? Being the brilliant navigator that I am, I said “screw this shit” and headed into Wilkinsburg, onto Penn Avenue, and then onto Fifth. As I buzzed down Fifth at a smart pace, PittGirl, I said, you are one brilliant chickadee. As soon as the “dee” was released from my brain into my brain matter. Parking lot. Who the hell’s idea was it to do construction on Fifth Avenue? Grr.

One hour and 45 minutes to get to town. I live about 18 miles from town. That’s sick.

Here’s a tip. If you want to stay on PittGirl’s good side, don’t break down in the damn tunnels. If you do break down in the tunnels, have the decency to get out and push your car out. Is that asking too much?

I am starting to believe that the Parkway East is the gateway to hell.

Tomorrow, I get to take the bus, and I will be grabbing my fat bus driver’s chubby cheeks in my hands, and then laying a big fat kiss on his lips in a show of sincere gratitude that he can get my hot self on the busway so that I can read my newspaper, take a cat nap, and laugh at all the losers sitting still on the Parkway East.

On the other hand, if God karmas my ass by letting my car break down in the tunnels one of these days, I will totally regret this post.

PittGirl is HOT!

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Hot. Damn!


I’m sure some of you are cursing God and the sun he made, but as for me … loving it!

A big fat WTF?

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Burrell schools Superintendent Amy Palermo says products acting as a stimulant are prohibited and possessing them is grounds for disciplinary action.

She says the Jolt brand gum is a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality.

Reading this story about a girl that was suspended from school for three days because she brought to school and shared some Jolt Gum with her friends, had so many thoughts and rants searing through my brain including things like … caffeine is illegal now? Who made caffeine illegal in the schools? What if a parent sends a kid to school with a lunch that includes a can of soda and that student shares his can of soda, will he be suspended? How come … what if … wait. What?

I finally settled on one thought: WTF?!?!

Me thinks the school districts of the Burgh are a wee bit insane.

I have a very very clear recollection of my best friend popping a Vivarin during lunch on more than one occasion. Lord, she’d still be in juvie had it been that way back then. And that was NOT that long ago.

And you know what?  It didn’t kill her.  She’s a successful woman now.  Married.  With three children.

Wait.  I am feeling a bit old.  I need to go lie down.