Not in a million.


No no no no no.

Never in a million years will I ride this ride at Kennywood.

I almost vomited a little just watching the video. It basically seems like the Pirate Ship on steroids. Just no.

I’m not a sissy or anything. I’ve rode all the big rides, i.e. The Phantom’s Revenge or Menace or whatever it’s called now. I used to ride the Lazer Loop when I was younger. That’s right. Lazer with a Z. The Pirate Ship, meh. Did that thing where it’s like bungee jumping but more like a big bungee swing over the “river” at Kennywood. Nothing to it.

But there are certain rides that scare the bejeebus out of me and only me:

1. The Rotor. Do you remember this ride where you were placed in a big soup can with about 15 other people. The soup can would start spinning and spinning, and all the fat people’s fat would start vibrating and then eventually the really fat people’s fat would kind of separate from their bodies and plaster itself to the sides of the wall, and then the floor would fall out from under you and then you vomit? Fun.

2. The Effin Drop. That’s what I call it. I hate that piece of shit tower where you are raised up and up and up and then when you get to the top, there is a little clunk and then pause, pause, pause some freaking more while I stare out over eastern Pittsburgh and wonder what the hell I’m doing up there, and then you drop and it takes six years of zooming at the speed of light while you scream bloody murder and get all pissed off at the fact that this is a freaking scary drop, and then reach the bottom to find your shoes are gone, your glasses obviously weren’t secured that great on your cute little nose, and that the Potato Patch fries you ate 20 minutes ago are now lodged mid-esophagus. Hate.

3. The Tilt-a-Whirl. Hate for the same reasons as the Rotor.

Maybe I’m a sissy after all.

And by the way. The Exterminator? Best ride ever.


  1. Joshua
    May 3, 2006 3:18 pm

    Well, though I will be trying the new ride this year, and do not understand why you won’t, I do agree with you on the Rotor and the tower, whatever it’s called. By the way, this is an interesting blog and I think I may just have to continue reading.

  2. beth in london
    May 3, 2006 3:38 pm

    As much as I love it on the other side of the pond, I can’t believe I’m going to miss Kennywood this summer- I still love the turnpike cars at 23, sad, huh? ‘Burgh classic that no one over here will get: Kennywood’s open! Hahaha… Brilliant :)

  3. pittgirl
    May 3, 2006 3:39 pm

    I think it’s because I’m a sissy. :D

    I’ve never said to myself, “I think I’m going to hate this ride.” then gotten on the ride and actually enjoyed it. My inner “don’t do it, PittGirl” voice is telling me that I will HATE the Swingshot.

  4. pittgirl
    May 3, 2006 3:40 pm


    Kennywood is my favorite part of the summer. It never gets old. I still do the Noah’s Ark just for the hell of it. I always eat Potato Patch and cotton candy and I always eat a Caramel Apple before I leave. Some things in life are meant to stay the same. :)

  5. Sherry Pasquarello
    May 3, 2006 3:52 pm

    i saw this on the news last night. no way!

  6. Anonymous
    May 3, 2006 3:55 pm

    I refuse to get on the Pit Fall as well. Just for the pure fact I don’t want to look out over at East Pittsburgh.

  7. Funky Dung
    May 3, 2006 4:30 pm

    I loooove the Pit Fall!

  8. Paperback Writer
    May 3, 2006 4:37 pm

    There are no rides that I won’t ride at Kennywood.

    No, I take that back. I don’t ride the Raging Rapids. Why? Because I will get soaked and no one else does. I HATE that.

    But I will give the Swing Shot (?) a try and then I will say whether I hate it or not.

    By the way, my favorite ride is the Jack Rabbit.

  9. pittgirl
    May 3, 2006 7:17 pm

    Yeah, the Raging Rapids totally seeks out one sucker on every raft for super soaking. I despise that waterfall thing because I always get stuck directly underneath it. And I’m never prepared for that. Nor am I prepared for walking around in soaking clothes while shivering. Raging Rapids sucks. :D Unless it is 100 degrees out.

  10. kilikena0310
    May 3, 2006 7:44 pm

    I also seem like the only one to get soaked on Raging Rapids. So, if the three of us who always seem to get soaked get on the ride together, which one do you think will get stuck under the waterfall? Or will we all manage to leave the ride a soppy mess?

  11. yinzernation
    May 3, 2006 8:53 pm

    You forgot the best part about the Rotor…when you vomit while it’s spinning at top speed, the vomit flies right back into your face.

    What wonderful memories.

    I’m sensing the makings of a dimented Rick Seback special..”Kennywood Vomit Rides that Aren’t There Anymore”.

  12. pittgirl
    May 3, 2006 9:16 pm

    I would imagine the time the Lazer Loop got stuck going and going and going would classify as a Vomit Ride that Isn’t There Anymore.

  13. t.price
    May 4, 2006 8:09 am

    not so much a sissy, but a wuss i think. rotor defined the thin line between men and boys. i tried to grow a moustache after my first rotor ride (as is custom) but my 10 year old lip let me down.

  14. Paperback Writer
    May 4, 2006 8:53 am

    I wasn’t here for the Lazer Loop days. My husband tells me it was something back then. His favorite ride is the Exterminator. He’s lost many a baseball cap in those dark walls.

    It’s our tradition to go every Mother’s Day – there’s no one there! Why? Everyone is visiting their mom. I don’t know if we will go this year though…

  15. Anonymous
    May 5, 2006 10:06 am

    Didn’t Kennywood have a similar ride about 7-8 years ago? I remember riding something very similar there. This new ride looks like a lot of fun.

  16. Pingback: The Burgh Blog » Blowing Potato Patch chunks