Oh, Pigeon Sniper, wherefore art thou?

You know what we need here in the Burgh?

We need another Gateway Flood. Or another pigeon sniper. Or Sonni Abatta and Wendy Bell duking it out in a hot catfight in Market Square. Or at the very least, another naked PETA chick in Market Square.

ANYTHING that will give the media something better to talk about than this stupid “LIST“.

See, you know what list I’m talking about right?

Howard Stern read the LIST. Geraldo has expressed interest in the LIST.

The Post-Gazette ran front-page stories on the LIST. Everyone has hired attorneys over the LIST. Every local station runs a story nightly on the LIST.

PittGirl is ready to lose it over the LIST.

So freaking what? These kids did a stupid crass thing and then instead of being wise about it and keeping it to their stupid selves, they let it get out. Dumb! If you want to comment on girls’ boobs and their sexual prowess, by all means, this is America, go for it. But God help you if you’re going to let it go public. Then you deserve your punishment. If that’s me doling out your punishment, you get the following:

1. One week suspension from school simply because of the shit storm you have brewed with your stupid crass boy thoughts. And maybe some detention for a while. That oughta send a message to you.

And that’s it. The rest of the punishment should come from the parents.

If that’s my boy, his world pretty much ends for a while. TV? Gone. PlayStation? It’s going in your little sister’s room and I might let her play Barbie with it. Computer? Hah! Grass? You’re cutting it every other day. Why? Because you are a crass little bugger and I raised you better and to have some freaking respect for people. Keep your locker room talk verbal, because once you commit something to paper, you deserve what you get.

And if it’s my girl that was LISTED? I sit her down, tell her that life sucks and boys are stupid. But that I sure hope she doesn’t have the STD’s the list says she does. Tell her the boys will be punished and if she needs a week off from school that is fine, but that eventually this will blow over and she should still hold her head high and it will all go away soon.

But, hiring lawyers? Media generally flipping the hell out over it? Parents on both ends threatening shit they can’t deliver?

This is just about the stupidest media circus ever.

Smack the boys upside the head, take their computers from them, and Move. On.



  1. Mark Denovich
    May 4, 2006 11:04 am

    Why should they be punished?

    AFAIK acting like an ass is not a crime. If it was, the parents making a big deal out of this would be sharing cells with these kids.

    Do any of these people remember going to high school? Compared to the evil shit that happened on a daily basis when I was there, this this list isn’t worth mentioning, certainly not worthy of a war-crimes tribunal.

    Note to dumbasses making lists: Next time use nicknames or a least initials.

    (so glad I’m not in school. My uniform would probably be an orange jumpsuit.)

  2. beth in london
    May 4, 2006 11:14 am

    One of the major problems with kids today is that their parents have taught them everything can be solved with a lawsuit. I broke my arm on school property, during a school sponsored event when I was in high school and the first question from my friends (not to mention some of their parents) was, ‘What lawyer are you using?’ I’m sorry, what? I slipped and broke my arm. It wasn’t negligence, it’s wasn’t incompentence on the part of the school district, it was simply an accident.

    While the LIST clearly wasn’t an accident, it’s also no excuse to file lawsuits and further disrupt the lives of those involved. High school sucks sometimes, but we make it through. I second this sentiment- move on.

  3. Paperback Writer
    May 4, 2006 11:14 am

    That’s what slambooks were for…sheesh.

  4. Funky Dung
    May 4, 2006 11:44 am

    Amen, PittGirl. :)

    I do have one little nit-picky issue with this post, though. “Wherefor” is an archaic form of “why”. The declarative form of that interrogative is “therefor”.

    Man, I am such a geek.

  5. "O"
    May 4, 2006 4:23 pm

    Why should they be punished?

    Because they’re teenagers.