I realized something last night as I caught the tail end of the David Blaine saga on ABC.
David Blaine, the world class idiot, is a freaking genius.
Think about it. If he had only attempted to break the world record for holding his breath, and then failed, the whole world would be going: Loser.
But by coupling it with the weird feat of staying underwater for seven days, not breaking the record for holding his breath was made to seem like no big deal because my GOD! The man just spent seven days underwater enduring liver damage.
So when he comes out of the water after only holding his breath for seven minutes (after we were told he would either do it or die trying), and he’s crying and shaking and saying “Damn it, I will walk down those stairs” and getting medical treatment, and all the New Yorkers are there screaming “We love you, David! Woo!” and crying their eyes out, you get swept up in the moment and YOU FREAKING START SHEDDING TEARS TOO!
So as I wiped those traces of tears from my eyes last night, I thought, “David Blaine, you are one evil genius and I hate you more than ever. God bless you, you bastard.”
It must be getting close to that time of month if I’m crying over David Freakin’ Blaine.
That shit is messed up.
P.S. I tried to watch this video of David Blaine appearing to rip his own heart out on the Carson Daly Show, but I gave up about the same time Carson had to look away.