Fun at McDonalds

What is it about the downtown McDonalds that attracts the odd characters, the homeless, the weirdos, and everything in between. Much moreso than Wendy’s or Arby’s or any other fast food establishment in between the Allegheny and the Mon.

I’m not a huge fast food eater, but let’s be honest … life is short and sometimes you have to have a Whopper. I also can occasionally be found sifting through a Wendy’s small chili making sure there are no dismembered fingers floating around. Very occasionally (twice a year) you might find me in the downtown Arby’s ordering a Low Carbie Bacon Ranch Wrap.

I ventured to McDonald’s because if you’re going to have a salad with chicken, sesame dressing, mandarin oranges, and lots of awesome exotic veggies, then my God, you’re going to have PittGirl in there ordering it. Just yummy.

This fine day at the McDonalds on Smithfield I encountered… and if you think I’m making ONE IOTA of this up, you would be very very wrong my friend. This is the gospel truth.

1. A fat girl (look, don’t get mad at me for telling it like it is. The girl was fat) of about 17, standing in line waiting for her burger when she grabbed the fries that the cashier placed on her tray and started shoving them in her mouth. That’s not the funny part. The funny part is while she was shoving no less than ten french fries in her mouth, she turned around and I noticed she was wearing a “Phat Farm” sweatshirt. Are you kidding me?

2. An odd, couple nuggets short of a Happy Meal, possibly homeless, older (60s) man standing in another line, leaning on the counter waiting for his food, and giving me a very generous eye helping of hairy butt crack. That was appetizing.

3. A woman with pink frosted hair, nails longer than a jumbo paperclip, tight jeans on an overweight body, and an air of superiority, gets all pissed off because something wasn’t right with her order and loudly starts bitching to no one in particular about it. Finally, she brings it to the attention of the manager behind the counter, who then looks at his cashier for explanation. In a voice as loud as she can manage, the pink haired woman says, “Sir, she did a great job … EXPENTIALLY.” And then proceeded to just flip out loud enough for everyone to hear it, throwing her pink hair and her Burgh accent all over the place. I think she meant “potentially” but what the hell do I know.

4. When taking my order it went something like this:

Me: I’d like to order two asian salads to go please. One with crispy chicken and one with grilled chicken. Both with the sesame dressing.
Cashier: Is this for here or to go?
Me: Um. To go.
Cashier: Ok. So you want an asian salad?
Me: Two.
Cashier: Two asian salads. Will that be for here or to go?
Me: To go.
Cashier: What kind of chicken?
Me: One with crispy and one with grilled.
Cashier: What kind of dressing?
Me: The. Sesame. Dressing.

And then she placed my order on a tray for dining in.

I never get that kind of fun at Wendys or Arbys.


  1. trinity
    May 16, 2006 10:23 am

    all jokes aside? i saw supersize me and haven’t set foot in a mcdonald’s since.

    though with all of the fantastic stories you just told, i imagine i wouldn’t have been going much longer had i not seen that movie.

  2. Paperback Writer
    May 16, 2006 10:24 am

    At least the Wood St. McDonald’s is closed. That rivaled the Smithfield McDonald’s.

  3. blee1
    May 16, 2006 4:10 pm

    I’m amazed you even get the salads from there.

    All the veggies are processed in this plant in Wheeling and I used to drive by it all the time. No way would I eat something coming out of that place.

    I also know someone who works for one of the plants that makes the burgers for McDonalds and he says they use the lowest grade beef legally allowed.

    If I ever eat fast food (maybe once a month) it’s usally Wendy’s.

  4. pittgirl
    May 16, 2006 4:21 pm

    Ah, Sloan. You’re going to go ahead and ruin the Asian Salad for me. The ONE thing I enjoy at Mickey Ds?!

    You can’t tell, but I’m shaking my cute little fist at you. Grr.


  5. Jessica
    May 17, 2006 11:10 am

    wow, i don’t even have words right now…