Shut up, Oprah.

Shut up, Oprah.

“In Pittsburgh!?”
— Oprah Winfrey responding to Carl Kurlander’s claim that after two decades as a Hollywood screenwriter, he found happiness in his hometown.

Some of us like Pittsburgh. Including this dude, Carl Kurlander who wrote St. Elmo’s Fire and who is finishing up a movie about Pittsburgh called “Tale of Two Cities.”

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And if you know all the words to “Won’t You Be My Neighbor,” you can head to the Point on July 1 and sing it with Mr. McFeely (Mr. McFeely! If you don’t love Mr. McFeely you are a cold dead unfeeling bastard). And if you don’t know all the words, just hum it.

Well, okay… here are the words. Now go be in a movie!

It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
a beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

It’s a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
a neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you!
I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.
So let’s make the most of this beautiful day,
since we’re togeth-r we might as well say;

Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Won’t you be my neighbor?
Won’t you please, won’t you please?
Please won’t you be my neighbor?

Yeah, I totally had to Google that. I’m a bad Burgher. See you there. I’ll be the hot brunette over whom the pigeons are circling.

Unless my childhood nightmare Lady Elaine Freakin’ Demon Fairchilde shows up. Then I’m outta there. Mr. Rogers must have been having a low day the day he dreamed up that bitch.

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That is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I bet that’s what Satan looks like.


  1. sally
    June 22, 2006 5:31 pm

    you were google-stalking David Conrad when you came up with this story, weren’t you?…

  2. pittgirl
    June 22, 2006 7:17 pm

    No. Actually, I was reading the PG and it had an article. But now I’m just DYING to know the link between my boy David Conrad and this story. Do you know something I don’t know?

  3. sally
    June 22, 2006 7:27 pm

    sorry, nothing here. It was a conrad-hollywood mental connection. I have a conrad-obsessed friend who googles him probably more than she will admit and I just assumed all conradaholics did it. Judging from what she says, I think there might be enough of you to warrant a support group… I’ve told her about your blog and she considers you the competition! secretly, I hope you get to him first, thereby leaving Matt Lamanna to me :)

  4. Bob
    June 23, 2006 11:29 am

    The Children’s Museum over on the North Side has all of Mr. Rogers’ puppets on display. Lady Elaine is scarier in person than she ever was on tv. I try to distract my children from looking at her every time we walk by.

    Oh, and her nose couldn’t possibly be more phallic.

  5. pittgirl
    June 23, 2006 11:36 am

    The Lady Elaine at the Children’s Museum is not nearly as scary as the Lady Elaine at Idelwild Park’s Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. The hairs on my neck stood up when she “appeared” with her freaking scary boomerang. What the hell is that boomerang for. Shudder.

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