I finally spotted them yesterday. Four to be exact. One walking near the USS Tower and three having a casual chitchat near a flower vendor by Kaufmann’s (Macys? WTF).
The Wildebeests? No.
Friendly pigeons? No.
I’m talking about the [dum-dum-dum-DAHHHHHH!] Safe-tee Am-BASS-adorrrrrrrs!
Those superheroes that were hired recently to make us Burghers feel safe when we are downtown, are outfitted in bright blue shirts to advertise that yes, I AM a Safety Ambassador, complete with matching ball cap, a thick black belt that holds a walkie talkie and I THINK a flashlight. Don’t quote me on the flashlight, because my powers of recall aren’t that hot this morning.
I gotta tell you, these ambassadors? Not very physically fit. The first one I saw was an out of shape early 20s male who gave me the I’m an enforcer of the law hat tip as he passed by.
My question to these guys and girls is this: What can you, as safety ambassadors, do for me?
If I’m walking through Market Square one evening and am accosted and thrown to the ground before I can unleash my pissed off fists of fury, what will you do? Will you beat the attacker with your walkie talkie? Will you radio the cops and then sit there and watch the attack until the cops show up? Will you radio the other ambassadors so that they too can stand around and watch the attack, except now by the extra light of more flashlights?
And another question, what would you do if you saw a smoking hot girl set a ladder against a light pole and proceed to steal just three of the beautiful flowering hanging baskets downtown? Will you look the other way? Will you look the other way for $20? Let’s discuss this.