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God help us all. They’ve arrived.

I left Texas to be able to live in a city where I didn’t need to worry that some giant red 50-legged, 90-toothed, beast with the numbers 666 etched on its crustaceous forehead would greet me with a hiss, claws, and venom as I open my bathtub shower curtain.

Despite their formidable appearance and ability to deliver a painful sting, southern devil scorpions do not pose a serious threat to humans.

The nocturnal creatures normally live outdoors under logs, loose bark of trees and land stones in moist areas where they find their prey of millipedes and other insects.

You tell me not to fear this bastard? It has a painful sting, the word “devil” in its name, and a cuisine of millipedes.

“The real story here is that these things are getting around,” Rawlins said. “If this bug, why not other bugs that are more harmful?”

That’s comforting.

Bite me, bug experts, and somebody get me some Raid.


  1. Rob
    July 25, 2006 10:28 am

    I don’t know — what’s one reasonable-sized scorpion compared to all those millipedes running in and out of your nostrils, mouth and ears as you sleep?

    I might prefer the scorpion.

  2. pittgirl
    July 25, 2006 11:03 am

    I may never sleep again.

  3. dwight
    July 25, 2006 1:25 pm

    Yeah, really! I got stung by a small scorpion in Costa Rica last year. Not knowing it if was poisonous or not, I just stood there waiting for something to happen while my friends were just chattering away all around me. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. Maybe since I like to scare people I would want my death to be without warning also. Yeah, I’m a sicko. Eh, well, what can ya do? Anyway, I’ll take getting stung in the rainforest, but in Canonsburg, I will simply not abide that!

  4. Lino Gunn
    July 25, 2006 10:28 pm

    Lets see now…”painful stings” ,”glands”,”neurotoxic venom”, “death comes from extreme allergic reaction”, “bugs”, “harmful”, why is it that we need these words in reasonable conversation. I’m reminded of that song about ants marching and ants marching out. Creeps me out totally.

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