Very clearly, Troy Polamalu is Jesus.

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“You can truly save people’s lives like that,” Polamalu said. “I’ve been in situations where people are at home and getting ready to die, doctors have given up on them, you know?”

But after a visit by Polamalu, he has seen the deathly ill improve to the point where “they’ve been living for, like, three, four months already.

“It’s really beautiful in that way that you can affect people. In some ways, football is life here in Pittsburgh, it’s their only hope. It’s cool to affect people in that way.”

Jesus, I tell you. He is Jesus. Just the very awesomeness that oozes out of every awesome pore on his perfect body is actually healing people now. The cancer cells are meeting the awesome particles and then they are running away screaming as if they have seen the horror of a Paris Hilton upskirt shot.

However, Troysus, I would like to tell you that football is not our ONLY hope. We’re not THAT lame. We place a lot of hope in Mark Cuban too.

And Troysus, have you seen the Mayor lately? How’s that going?





3 Comments

  1. Pete
    August 1, 2006 10:35 am

    Is it too premature to compare the Terrible Towel to the Shroud of Turin? And, what about the Bobby O and Fidel Castro comparisons? Should we expect some shakeups on Calle Grant in Havana?



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