It’s another one of those days, you know those Ozone Action Air Quality Heat Warning You Might Die Today if You Go Outside Days.
Which is a load of bull because who can really call in “hot” and say, “Boss? It’s an Ozone Action day. The DEP says that I should avoid going outside and if I do go outside I risk my lungs bursting into flame and my actual eyeballs melting due to the intense heat of the air. I’ll be in as soon as the alert is lifted.”
I also don’t believe that anyone actually makes their carpool decisions based on whether or not a day is an Ozone Action Day.
Yesterday, as I swam my way up to Grant Street (get it? It’s so humid it feels like we’re in water? Get it? Laugh damn it!) and observed the men in their suits and the ladies in their suits, all sweating like they were ten minutes from the execution chamber, I thought, if the powers that be want to tag days as ozone action days or air quality alert days, then by God it should MEAN something to us. It should also be a wear whatever the hell you want day. We should be allowed to wear shorts and tank tops to the office and we should be allowed to take a meeting while sitting in the center of the PPG Plaza fountain.
Really, it’s only fair. It’s hotter than David Conrad, Matt Lamanna, and Sonni Abatta playing beach volleyball out there! And I’m loving it.