What’s that smell. Is it YOU Wilmerding?

A “mysterious odor” forced evacuations in Wilmerding last night, but alas, there was no cause found for the foul smell.

Question. Has anyone considered the possibility that that “mysterious odor” is simply the putrid stench of nasty body odor resulting from the intense heat?

Seriously. This city is rank with some foul smelling shit. Yesterday I attended a function and spoke to two men that I’ve spoken to many times before with no ill wind blowing from their general direction. However on this particular day, they were sweating so badly in their suits that they reeked in a way that was so horrific that I honestly couldn’t tell if it was body odor or incredibly bad breath. I actually had to take a few steps back from them and I totally didn’t care if they knew why I did it. It was vomitous. I’m ready to start walking around with a can of Oust and taking the liberty of spraying any foul smelling Burgher that nears me, then handing them a T-shirt that reads “I was Ousted by PittGirl”.

No lie.

So maybe all those people in Wilmerding that are sleeping with their windows open while they lie there and produce beads of poisonous smelling liquid from their pores, are actually stinking up their city. It’s totally plausible.


  1. Mia
    August 3, 2006 2:42 pm

    Now THAT is too funny! And a community service too! Destink them and provide them with a clean shirt to replace the sweat soaked one they were wearing.

    Of course if the weather doesn’t change soon you may have to follow them to the next block and repeat the process…

  2. pittgirl
    August 3, 2006 4:12 pm

    Damn the Downtown Safety Ambassadors. We need Downtown Oust Ambassadors. “Would you like to be Ousted with Fresh Linen, Spicy Orange, or Zesty Lemon scent?”

  3. parakeethome
    August 3, 2006 11:44 pm

    Personally I like Febreze!!!! Hey, I need a job – I could do that!!

  4. pittgirl
    August 4, 2006 8:39 am

    I am a Febreze addict and prefer to use it on my carpets and upholstery. For rancid air, I use Oust. :D

  5. paperback writer
    August 4, 2006 9:51 am

    You could give them deoderant.