I’m the kind of person that honestly hates being the center of attention. Really. This might be because I am a middle child. Either way, I tend to try not to turn attention to myself. Unless I’ve had two margaritas, because that’s all it takes, Burghers.
So you know if I laugh out loud on an otherwise quiet bus, that I found something to be particularly hilarious.
Case in point. That woman that hit the homeless woman who was trying to retrieve her dead dog from the highway, then drove off, was sentenced to jail yesterday for a year. Here’s the best part:
According to state police, Ms. Cralton was driving in the slow lane, along with three passengers, when she saw what she thought were “deer guts.” She swerved, turned on her high beams and saw something in the slow lane that she thought was either a person or mannequin, bent over at the waist, police said.
If I’m ever driving down the highway and swear I see a mannequin … a BENT OVER mannequin dressed as a 47 year old homeless woman, I will just kill myself right there, because obviously the dementia has set in and the voices will be coming next.
A MANNEQUIN?! In the middle of the highway?! Bent over?! Good excuse, dumbass.
And I bet you think as soon as you drove away, she came back to life and Andrew McCarthy came screaming out of the bushes to tend to her injuries.