Can I slit my wrists now?

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I’d post my usual pictures today, but I’m too busy trying to see if I can slit my wrists with a butter knife.

My God, if you’re going to lose a football game, lose it by the blood, sweat, and tears of your remarkable efforts. Don’t gift wrap a win that you purchased straight from the Bengal’s registry, put a pretty bow on it, and hand it to them with your best wishes for a good season.

Where to begin?

1. I blame Ricardo Colclough for once again doing a craptastic job of catching a punt. The newspapers today all say it bounced off his hands, but what I saw was that ball bouncing off of his helmet. Also? Didn’t anyone tell this dude that you catch a football with your body, not over your head with your hands in the air? The only people ever allowed to catch a football over their heads are women, because taking a football in the boobs? Hurts.

2. I blame Bill Cowher for standing by Ricardo. I mean, come on. The boy cannot catch a football. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but, really Coach, Santonio Holmes is NOT looking bad these days.

3. Verron Haynes and Willie Parker. WTF? Verron wasn’t even on the field in play and he had to rush out an do a little jig with Fast Willie? What happened to the days when the Steelers were a classy bunch of guys who eschewed talk and flamboyancy in favor of just playing the damn game and winning some football games?

4. Ben. Oh boy, Ben. Those interceptions were hideous. As we were in the red zone to try to get that last touchdown, my father was like, “Here we go. We score here and get a two point conversion and we’re back in the game.” I swear I said, “Yes, Dad, but Ben sure has a knack for throwing interceptions in the end zone.” And then BAM! interception. I laughed. My brother in law looked like he wanted to kill me. I’m a little scared for my life.

5. Where the hell were Joey Porter and Troy Polamalu, because we sure could have used one of their momentum-shifting plays yesterday.


  1. AwsCom
    September 25, 2006 12:37 pm

    Um, yeah, all possibly true, but EXCUSE ME. Establishing the run means esta-blish-shing-the-run, not two or three running plays in quick succession. What’s with this passing on first down, this passing on first down in the red zone? A) we’re the steelers and B) ben is ben.

    And oh, if last year, the emotional leader of the team was Jerome Bettis, and this year its Joey Porter — that’s a pretty big swing in the wrong direction. Troy, if you’re out there — you’re obviously finding your voice. Step up into your natural position.

  2. Matt H
    September 25, 2006 2:50 pm

    Coach Cowher is the #1 guy to blame here. It’s his fault that Ricardo Coke Head was back there returning in the 1st place.

    Cowher should have kept Parker in the game in the 4th quarter, I doubt he fumbles like Haynes did. Parker only had a handful of carries last week and we have a bye next week, why take the guy out?

  3. Lino Gunn
    September 25, 2006 6:13 pm

    Hey kids, have you noticed Cowhers overall coaching record? Geez those guys did look like the Keystone Kops yesterday, and most would agree tremendous errors in judgement were made, but damn, next you will be calling for Cowhers firing and bringing back Neil whats-his-face as q-back.
    Its a football game, relax, that vein in your forehead will pop if you don’t chill.
    The rest of the season remains

  4. Lino Gunn
    September 25, 2006 6:14 pm

    Oops, forgot the “.” after remains, sorry.

  5. DLB
    September 27, 2006 3:07 pm

    1-2 is not the way we wanted to start the season, but lets keep things in perspective. We didn’t start off with a healthy quarterback and even with that by all rights we should be 2-1. For all the hoopla about Cinci, much of which I am in total amazement over after Sunday, they did not come in and show the Steelers anything other than that they are not ready to take over this division. Any team can win if the other team hands them the victory. Cinci was handed unforced turnovers, they didn’t take the ball away by earned effort. Most teams can score if they start a drive on the other teams 9 yard line, give me a break…. Even with this victory, Cinci should be quietly wondering what went wrong, rather than celebrating their edge over the Steelers. There is way too much football to be played and overall, Pittsburg still is by far the better team.

    Let’s see where we are when it counts, I don’t care about laughing first… it’s far better to be the one who laughs last…. speaking of last… what happened last season????