I’d post my usual pictures today, but I’m too busy trying to see if I can slit my wrists with a butter knife.
My God, if you’re going to lose a football game, lose it by the blood, sweat, and tears of your remarkable efforts. Don’t gift wrap a win that you purchased straight from the Bengal’s registry, put a pretty bow on it, and hand it to them with your best wishes for a good season.
Where to begin?
1. I blame Ricardo Colclough for once again doing a craptastic job of catching a punt. The newspapers today all say it bounced off his hands, but what I saw was that ball bouncing off of his helmet. Also? Didn’t anyone tell this dude that you catch a football with your body, not over your head with your hands in the air? The only people ever allowed to catch a football over their heads are women, because taking a football in the boobs? Hurts.
2. I blame Bill Cowher for standing by Ricardo. I mean, come on. The boy cannot catch a football. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but, really Coach, Santonio Holmes is NOT looking bad these days.
3. Verron Haynes and Willie Parker. WTF? Verron wasn’t even on the field in play and he had to rush out an do a little jig with Fast Willie? What happened to the days when the Steelers were a classy bunch of guys who eschewed talk and flamboyancy in favor of just playing the damn game and winning some football games?
4. Ben. Oh boy, Ben. Those interceptions were hideous. As we were in the red zone to try to get that last touchdown, my father was like, “Here we go. We score here and get a two point conversion and we’re back in the game.” I swear I said, “Yes, Dad, but Ben sure has a knack for throwing interceptions in the end zone.” And then BAM! interception. I laughed. My brother in law looked like he wanted to kill me. I’m a little scared for my life.
5. Where the hell were Joey Porter and Troy Polamalu, because we sure could have used one of their momentum-shifting plays yesterday.