Monthly Archives: September 2006

Randomly I stroll …

1. My postings have been a bit more sparse this week for the simple reason that there hasn’t been much snark-worthy news … and let’s be real, that’s the bestest kind of news. Reader dukey11 commented, “Post more. I love you.” Since I completely take to shameless flattery, I’ll do my best.

2. I drove in this morning instead of taking the bus because I am a masochist who enjoys inflicting needless pain on myself. As I was entering the turnpike ramp to get my ticket at the booth, I somehow accidentally cut another car off. PittGirl is a considerate bitch when she drives. I go with the flow of traffic, I don’t go slow in the fast lane, I don’t tailgate, I respect the machine I am driving. But sometimes we all become that person we hate and I did this morning. I don’t know how I didn’t see her. I looked in my blind spot and she wasn’t there, and then when I switched lanes, there she was. And BOY, did she let me know it, tooting her horn real loud for real long. Immediately remorseful, I waved to her in my “so sorry” wave and stopped to get my ticket. She pulled directly behind me (even though every other lane was open), so I figured, why not say I’m sorry. I stuck my head out my window as I grabbed my ticket and shouted … “Sorry about that!” with a cute little smile on my face. I wasn’t expecting a “Oh, that’s okay.” or even a smile. I just thought maybe a two finger wave or something would be returned. Instead, she glared at me and shouted, “Just go already, God!” Whoa! So to that lady I’d like to say, “Listen you cow, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I cut you off. I’m sorry I wasted five whole seconds of your time to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry you are a sucky person. PittGirl has a motto and anyone that knows me has heard me say this at least one time: Life is too short to live it pissed off all the time.”

3. I have tickets to the Pirates game tonight, so of course the forecast for this evening for right about the time the fireworks go off is like 35 degrees. Lovely. I’ll be the cutie pie dressed for a blizzard.

4. Sometime last week or so, while I was probably researching evasive pigeon maneuvers, The Burgh Blog received its 200,000th hit. The blog is nearing the end of its busiest month ever with over 33,000 hits. Not bragging, just saying thanks for reading my crap. I choose to believe that David Conrad is waiting for the chance to be my 250,000th hit before he finally visits and sends me an invitation to a Christmas Party in his loft in the Strip.

5. Even though they desperately need it, I hate the bye week.

Run Ben, RUN!

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Ed Bouchette touched on what PittGirl has been thinking since Sunday … why isn’t Benny running?

Bill Cowher delivered a message to his quarterback yesterday, borrowing a line from Forrest Gump: Run, Ben, Run!


How many times on Sunday did you see Benny standing in a pocket looking for a receiver, find none, the pocket opens up, there’s a big opening in front of him, and the big yellow line just. Right. There! Go get it, Ben. Run for that stinking yellow line (yes, I know he can’t really see it shut up) like the scientologists are after you. Run for that line like Paris Hilton is hot on your heels with her skirt hoisted up. Run for that line like Martha Fleishman is behind the wheel of a car and totally gunning for your ass. Run like the pigeons are after you. Just run.

Ben also said:

“I feel a lot better. I’m working out and really feel good where I’m at. Coach wants me to put on a little bit more weight, but I feel good with where I’m at right now.”

Said Cowher, “We’ve talked about it. I am encouraging him to make sure he eats snacks at night.”

Don’t listen to him Ben. Bill Cowher is NOT always right. Hell, need I remind you of his moronic Colclough decision? You look a lot better.

And man, I would love someone to encourage me to eat snacks at night. Just to you know, give me a reason to eat a Little Debbie Swiss Roll … or as I call it, heaven rolled up with icing.

Benny was asked if perhaps his head injury was affecting his play:

“It’s hard to say. The doctor said nothing’s wrong with my brain, and it seems like I’m having brain [cramps] out there. It’s just one of those things, you make mistakes and you learn from it and, hopefully, I will learn quickly from those mistakes.”

Can I ask you all a question? Why will the PG use the word “shit” but it uses ellipses to replace the word “fart”? That makes zero sense. He said “brain farts.” You know he did. Yet, there is more than one article in the PG that has used the word “shit.”

But back to the subject … Run, Ben! Run!!!

Who the hell is that?

Quick poll for all you current and former Burghers, you see this exact photo plastered on the side of every other bus in the city, and on billboards on major streets, along with the picture of a dancing couple and the words Trib Total Media in the corner and no caption to the photo telling you this woman’s name,

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You say to yourself:

a. “That is _________________” (fill in the correct name) or

b. “Who the hell is that old broad?”

I’m guessing at least 75% of you will say “b” to that. Am I right?

I know who it is because of my work, but I can’t imagine most regular Burghers knowing who it is without a name printed under the picture.

It’s Jean Horne who writes Fanfare for the Trib. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why the Trib is wasting massive amounts of ad dollars on putting her face on the side of every bus in the city if they aren’t also going to put her name on it. She doesn’t exactly have the face recognition power of say Myron Cope or Hines Ward. Hell, there are some Pirates ads that have the faces of players that I can’t even put a name to.

Of course, I could be wrong and every one of you looked at that picture and went, “That’s Jean Horne. She’s a hottie and she writes Fanfare for the Pittsburgh Tribune Review.”

OMG, the world is ending!

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Well, they did it. Allegheny County Council went ahead and passed the smoking ban.

Anybody out there slitting their wrists over this?

I’m cool with it, and honestly could live with it either way. Sure, I’d LOVE not to come home from a restaurant, bar, or club smelling like a cigarette, and sure, I’d love not to have to breathe in what as a nonsmoker smells to me like pukish death. But I’d deal with it the same way I deal with it now — Tide with Febreeze and carefully timed breathing.

The vote was 11-1 (UPDATE:  Reader Matt H informs me the vote was actually 14-1), and that means if Danny O decides to veto, his veto will likely get overturned. Voting against was Richard Narone, or now The Smokers’ Hero!, who said:

“I’m a little concerned about passing legislation when you start taking rights of individuals away,” said Mr. Nerone, who is a non-smoker. “I honestly believe this is a state issue and should be taken care of at the state level.”

I totally understand his position on the state, however, please people stop talking about your RIGHT to smoke in a public place. If it is even a right, what about my right not to breathe in your noxious fumes? Fumes that if you smoke indoors, linger for all of us to inhale. So if somebody’s got to go outside, it should be the smokers so their smoke can just fly up to the clouds and dance away.

The article quotes a bartender:

Ms. Steenson said of the non-smoking ban: “This will really hurt. I’m worried we may have to cut down on the number of employees here. People will have to lose jobs.”

Lord, lady. Why don’t you give it a month before you start freaking out the employees of the bar with your, “Nobody is going to come here anymore if they can’t smoke!” message?

My question, if you are a smoker and there is a bar or establishment that you particularly like and are a regular at, if you can no longer smoke while you eat and drink there, will you simply continue to go there and maybe have a smoke outside or afterwards, or will you drive to another county, pick a new “regular” place, and never ever go back to where you used to go? Be honest about it. Really.

My hunch is that the smokers will adapt in the same way that they have in other cities.

And FINALLY (man, this post is long),

Council amended it last night so that nonprofit organizations can apply for a waiver to allow smoking at fund-raisers.

Anyone care to explain that one to me? Why do nonprofits need to allow smoking at fund-raisers? Why the nonprofits? Huh?

It wasn’t a landslide, it was a land mass migration! Duh!

So the PG looked into what made the hill fall onto Route 65, and it pretty much sums up what we already know: the developer got a waiver on having to bench the land, and therefore the hillside wasn’t as sturdy as it could have been had they benched it.

I’m bringing this article, which is full of awesome “don’t look at me, I don’t know anything” quotes, to your attention for really two specific, hilarious quotes:

Construction on the site was being carried out by Penn Development Services, based in Uniontown. One foreman with that firm, John Herby, declined to say much, but said it would be wrong to characterize the landslide as rapid.

“Nothing cascaded. It’s a land mass migration,” he said. “It took four days, five days.”

Heh. Is this guy a politician? John, I don’t really care if it took one day for the hill to fall, or five days for the hill to fall. The point is that the hill that you are trying to build a Walmart on, did in fact FALL. I don’t hear anyone arguing over if it was a landslide or a land mass migration … if that is even a real thing.

And then this one from the president of the development company:

Mr. Atwood insisted that the engineering study had been done carefully and that his company had taken no undue risks.  “We’re going to put a $28 million development on the top of that hill. Believe me, the last thing we want is to have any kind of question on the slope’s stability,” he said. “How does that help us?”

Um, if you’re so damn 100% sure there was no question as to the stability of the slope, why is your development site now sitting on Route 65?

What I’d love to see is someone from that development company look in the camera and say, “We screwed up.” Is that asking too much? None of this, it wasn’t us it was them, it wasn’t the soil it was the rock, it wasn’t a landslide it was a land mass migration. God.

Fess up and fix it. And man, don’t talk to the press unless you’re 100% sure you aren’t going to sound like a jackass.