Mommy!

Autumn is PittGirl’s favorite season here in the Burgh (spring in Texas is second).

I love Pumpkin Spice Lattes. I love the crisp air. I love being a bit cold in the morning. I love having a big bowl of apples and pomegranates in my fruit bowl. I love hanging my autumn wreath. I love handing out candy to scary little kiddies. I love Thanksgiving. I love football. I love it all.

One thing I don’t love: Corn mazes.

Dudes, I cannot for the life of me get out of even the simplest corn maze without a GPS, a canteen of water, and a cyanide pill in case it comes to that. I was in a corn maze at Schramm’s Farm last autumn and there were little four-year-olds guiding me out of the damn thing. This must mean that I have that girl sense of direction that makes me lose my bearings if it involves more than two turns.

So you can bet your tear soaked Terrible Towel that you won’t run into PittGirl in this amazing Spider Web Maze in Butler County.

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Hell no.

Even if I studied this arial view for hours, I would still get lost for hours, and then the scary man from Jeepers Creepers would jump out at me and eat my organs. No freakin’ way.





7 Comments

  1. miXi
    October 3, 2006 11:03 am

    When I was little my parents always warned me to stay out of cornfields. I grew up in Ohio, and they would tell me stories about kids who wandered into cornfields and ended up in Indiana. I don’t know about all that, but the thought of walking into a cornfield outside Pittsburgh and ending up in someplace in Johnstown is pretty frightening to me.

    And man, I don’t think it’s just girl directions that would get us lost in there. Just how does one keep ones bearing when you can’t see more than 3 feet in front of you or anything above you (I’m short)? I mean, I know my directionals, but not in a vacuum.



  2. Kate
    October 3, 2006 12:04 pm

    I’ve heard the secret is to always go left. I have no idea if that works or not, though.



  3. cityworker
    October 3, 2006 1:17 pm

    i am actually going to a pumpkin patch this weekend with a big cornmaze. however with a 5 month old in tow i will not be trying it out. if i got lost i think i would just start following people who looked like they knew how to get somewhere.



  4. pittgirl
    October 3, 2006 1:26 pm

    Oh, I’ve tried that cityworker, and what usually happens is a bunch of random lost people become a train of lost people.



  5. cityworker
    October 3, 2006 2:50 pm

    it’s better to be lost with others than lost by yourself. that is taking into consideration it is better not to be lost at all. that would be so funny to see. a train of lost people walking through a corn maze. it could end up like the south park episode where they start eating the “extras” because they have not had any food for a few hours.



  6. AwsCom
    October 3, 2006 7:07 pm

    Is this the one at Triple B Farms? That one is the BOMB!!! A couple years ago they had a huge dragon shaped one, with medeival trivia and a map you can only read with 3d glasses, and all kind of sidegames. Cornfield mazes are great for exploring in large groups, with the occasional twosome “peeling off” from the pack randomly. Hooray, cornfield mazes!



  7. Lino Gunn
    October 4, 2006 10:41 am

    Think “Children of the Corn”