First the first stuff:
1. Ben is alive! When Ben was throwing 100% in the first quarter, I looked over at my father and said, “He’s SO going for a perfect passer rating today.” And my father was like, “Pshaw.” Or however you spell that sound people make when they want to say, “When pigs fly, my dear daughter.” Ben threw 153.8, and I blame his missing the perfect 158.3 passer rating on dyslexia brought on by Martha Fleishman.
I’m also pleased to report that Benny seems to have subscribed to PittGirl’s simplistic football coaching philosophy:
He completed 16 of 19 for 238 yards, and for the first time this year, no interceptions. The key there? “Throwing to the guys in the black jersey,” Ben cracked, “not the white jerseys.”
Exactly my point! Brizzilliant!
And still keeping it real, despite being told by one commenter that I’m being very unclassy by talking about Ben’s facial hair, I still think the boy needs to shave. Besides, telling guys whether or not their facial hair is looking sexy or looking porny is a girl’s job. I could meet David Conrad for the first time and if he was sporting some ungodly ‘stache, I’d be like, “Nice to meet you my new best friend. What’s going on up here. What’s this?”
2. I didn’t miss Joey Porter all that much.
3. Even Santonio Asshat Holmes did pretty awesome, despite once again muffing a punt return or two. Can I ask, what the hell is wrong with the Steelers’ special teams?
And then there’s this:
I’ll say what my mother said: “You mess with Troy Polamalu’s hair and you are messing with the entire female population of the Steelers Nation.”
When Troy first got yanked down and then back up by the gorgeous silky flowing hair on his perfect head, my entire family (15 people or so) stood up and shouted “TIVO!! TIVO!!”, which is our way of demanding a slow mo replay by the current remote control operator.
Everyone walked a little closer to the TV and watched the slow motion replay with a look on our faces that would have made you think we were watching cute manatees getting their noses hacked off. And then the shit hit the fan. The males were just kind of looking a bit concerned and furrowing their eyebrows. Granted, getting pulled down by the hair is one thing, but getting yanked back UP by the hair? Not cool.
The females in the room were pissed beyond belief. Watching every replay and getting angrier and angrier. I looked around the room at my pissed off family; I looked at the fighting happening between the players on my tv, and I realized, everyone is pissed about this except Troy Polamalu, who jumped up with a smile and ran off the field.
The reason for this is that Troy Polamalu is in fact, Jesus.