I’ve got 775,000 volts with your name on them.

So the city is all aflutter because the Burgh was named as one of the most dangerous cities in the nation, at number 65 out of 317 metropolitan areas.

At first I was like, “How can this BE?”

I am a bit naive because I feel perfectly safe in the Burgh. I’m not saying I’ll hang out in the Hill at three in the morning, but I don’t worry while I’m walking to my car in the parking garage either.

Then I looked at the latest headlines from JUST this morning:

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And now, I’m like, “Damn, this city is DANGEROUS!” while I’m Googling “Personal Tasers.”

And be ye warned violent assholes of the Burgh, because PittGirl will soon be armed with the SM-775 Stun Master 775,000 Volt Stun Gun.

I’m particularly excited to see what happens to a pigeon when it is hit with 775,000 paralyzing volts. I’ll let you know.





8 Comments

  1. ethan
    October 31, 2006 10:57 am

    I was in Houston, TX for two months working with a client’s business division, and it surprised me to see armed security guards at most of the hotels and restaurants 24/7. I still feel safe hanging out in Pittsburgh, but also still carry a cannon when venturing into certain parts. Even the Wilkinsburg residents complain loudly at the Wilkinsburg council meetings about the crime seeping in from even MORE dangerous adjacent neighborhoods.

    It was a sad day for me when my two young children observed a drug deal occur in the alley behind a rental property we own. And a wake-up call, too…



  2. Mike
    October 31, 2006 5:30 pm

    Flawed survey. Pittsburgh is one of the safest–if not the safest–major city in the nation. There’s a smoldering drug war that needs to be taken care of. But it’s homocide rate is one of the lowest among major metropolitan areas. Cities of the same size have three to four times the murder rate of Pittsburgh.



  3. PittCheMBA
    October 31, 2006 8:46 pm

    Hmmm, Pittsburgh is: one of the most dangerous cities, one the the most drunk cities, and one of the worst cities for singles. So I guess Pittsburgh is inhabited by single, drunk, dangerous people. Who comes up with these rankings?



  4. Lino Gunn
    October 31, 2006 10:37 pm

    Survey/Schmvey….I want to see a photo of the zzzzzapped pigeon.



  5. susan
    October 31, 2006 11:20 pm

    “what happens to a pigeon when it is hit with 775,000 paralyzing volts”

    I’d say Squab Kabob – just a tad overdone.
    I too would like to see photos of zapped pigeons.

    Once in a parking garage, a man (in a suit & tie no less) accosted me. I had my trusty Acme Thunderer whistle on my key chain and blew as hard as I could into his ear. He hit the ground and I got in my car and threatened to run him down if he didn’t crawl out of the way. He did.
    Acme Thunder whistles rocked his world, or at least his ear drum.



  6. Chef Mike
    November 1, 2006 9:52 am

    65??? 65????!!!! Hell I live in St.Louis!!



  7. sallypierre
    November 1, 2006 10:13 am

    i live in southlake texas and our salads are unsafe.



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