Monthly Archives: November 2006

There’s a joke here, people.

For the first time this year, Downtown Pittsburgh’s New Year’s Eve celebration will be marked by the raising of a giant ball at midnight, a la Times Square.

Yes, raised: the thousand-pound, glowing ball is named “The Future of Pittsburgh,” so when the midnight countdown happens it will be lifted to the top of a 74-foot flagpole instead of dropped. (There are enough problemlatic metaphors going on already without worrying about the “The Future” dropping.)

There’s a joke here. I’m just not sure what it is.

Is it a joke about where the hell did this city get the money to purchase (or lease?) a thousand pound ball of glowing light?

Is it a joke about who the hell NAMED THE BALL? Or is it a joke about who the hell came up with the idea to NAME THE BALL?

Is it a joke about the fact that the article refers to the Highmark Building as the Old Horne’s Building? When the hell is it FINALLY going to just be the Highmark Building? But then again, when will the Regional Enterprise Tower stop being the Old Alcoa Building? While we’re at it, is it a joke that this city is stuck in the past?

Is it a joke about how the local newscasters are going to have trouble keeping a straight face as they say things like, “We’re looking forward to the raising of the Future of Pittsburgh later tonight.” or “The Future of Pittsburgh has almost reached the top of the flagpole.” or “Look, Sonni Abatta is sitting on The Future of Pittsburgh dressed as one of Santa’s Elves.”

Help me, Burghers. Help me find the joke that is DYING to be made.





And then the world ended …

I like to wake up with my world intact. I like to know that the lesbian barista at Starbucks will flirt with me as usual. I like to know that a pigeon will probably accost me and then immediately regret it when I taser its ass. I like to know that somewhere on Grant Street the words “move forward” are being uttered ad nauseam. I like to know that I’ll probably eat something I shouldn’t for lunch and will fall asleep on the bus on the way home and then will probably eat something healthy for dinner when I’m really craving something … anything with buffalo sauce.

What I DO NOT need is waking up to find out there is a new yellow Wiggle.

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A new yellow Wiggle? How am I supposed to deal with this kind of shit?

The first commenter that asks, “PittGirl, what do you care about the Wiggles?” is going to get politely pointed here.





But what did Lukey DO?

The headline to this article is this:

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So I assumed that the Mayor must have done something, like lend a working hand a la Bob O’Connor or Yarone Zober, or donated some of his 90k+ salary. But from reading the article it appears what Lukey actually did do was show up.

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Is this all part of his campaigning without campaigning and politicking without politics and doing something without doing something way of operating?

I don’t blame Lukey as much as I blame the Trib for misleading me with the headline.

And you’re totally right what you’re thinking.  If Lukey did show up with a drill and hammer I’d be all over his ass.  That my friends is what makes me hard to please.  If Lukey wants to please me he simply needs to arrange a meeting with David Conrad.  How hard can that be Lukey?  Hmm?





For no reason …

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Ya THINK?!





Starbucks sucks?

It’s amazing how many Starbucks customers don’t know what it’s like to work at Starbucks,” said Ken Miller, an IWW member and former Starbucks worker.

According to this article, there was a massive (read 20 people strong) protest at a Squirrel Hill Starbucks demanding that Starbucks workers be allowed to unionize … or something.

My question isn’t regarding the unionization of Starbucks or whether or not free speech was impeded here.
My question to you Burghers is this … does is REALLY suck that bad to work at Starbucks?!?!?!

Why are my baristas so damn chirpy all the time then?