The dumbasses got a dumb lawyer too.

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Boy, there’s some serious spikes happening on my stupid meter with every article I read about the two stupidest students ever to attend CMU.

After being apprehended for breaking into Heinz Field in the wee hours of the morning, their one million dollar bonds were reduced and they were let out of jail.

The attorney for one of them said this upon her client’s release from jail:

Ms. Roberto characterized the arrests as a “mistaken apprehension by law enforcement” and said it was a “testament to his character” that Mr. Paul cooperated with authorities so that any threats to homeland security could quickly be ruled out.

Two things, Ms. Roberto:

1. “Mistaken apprehension”?!?! Does this mean you think this was a false arrest? Does this mean you think that every person that tries to break into Heinz Field at 2:00 in the morning two weeks after a bomb threat was received should be given a finger wagging “tsk tsk, young man” and sent on their merry way. Does this mean you are as stupid as I think you are? Oh, yes.

2. Mr. Paul’s cooperation had 60 million times less to do with “testament to his character” than it did his being … and I’m pretty sure this is the correct medical term … scared shitless.


  1. Patrick
    November 9, 2006 11:02 pm

    Well, if scared shitless isn’t an actual medical term it damn well should be.

    INTERNIST: “Mr. Peterson, the test results are back, and I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re scared shitless.”

    Hmm… Yeah, that tracks well, it sings. Get the DSM-IV people on the phone immediately. We need to make this happen.

  2. Bob
    November 10, 2006 10:39 am

    Am I the only one who read her name as “Caroline Roboto?”

    Domo arrigato.

  3. jack
    November 11, 2006 4:25 pm

    She is a huge jackass! She usually represents people who are VERY GUILTY! She represented a former tax collector for Baldwin Township who stole over $100,000 right out from under the Commissioners’ noses. She represents scum and GUILTY SCUM at that. She is a loser like her SCUM clients.

  4. Erin
    November 13, 2006 9:47 am

    After reading the full article, I have two questions:

    1) Why is no one talking about the fact that a door was left open after a private party? Talk about a security breach.

    2) These jackasses got in through that door, and then left, and then tried to scale a fence to get back in. WTF? Carnegie Mellon, indeed.