Turkeys are the new pigeons

The new pest on the block may be the wild turkey.“At any given time, I can have upwards of 20 turkeys in my postage-stamp sized Green Tree suburban yard,” said Ray Gintner. “The place is unsafe to walk and I’m not talking about aggressive toms.”  Mr. Gintner is talking about what the turkeys leave behind. Biologists call that “scat.” Others call it waste or dropping.

PittGirl calls that shit.

If I opened the patio door to my backyard to find 20 pigeons just walking around and chilling out, I’d start running up the street begging any neighbor to lend me their loaded gun, or at the very least their blow torch (seeing as my SM775 Stun Master hasn’t yet arrived in the mail).

Now if I opened my patio door to find 20 wild turkeys staring back at me, I’d call a priest or something because seriously that has got to be a sign that my yard is the gateway to hell.

TWENTY wild turkeys.  Just no.

In the past two years, Pennsylvania sent 53 wild turkeys to South Dakota, where turkeys are scarce.

Do you think there’s a state in need of pigeons?


  1. Clive
    November 15, 2006 8:50 am

    A Red Rider BB gun should do the trick!

  2. After Further Review
    November 15, 2006 9:10 pm

    Just think Whole Foods charges 2.99/lb. for free range organic turkeys.

  3. Lino Gunn
    November 15, 2006 10:01 pm

    Just so you know, the lowly pigeon was IMPORTED,
    from England! In the early 1800’s (?), as (of all things), a food source.
    Gotta be an Englishman thought that gem of gastronomic delight up.

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