The giant sucking sound of Steelers football.

Whoo. Whee.

Did you hear that giant sucking sound as the entire city inhaled and held in its collective breath for what seemed an eternity as the ball was tipped, and tipped, and tipped … and tipped by the Browns in the final seconds of the ballgame yesterday? Ay.

What a great game … is what I can say in hindsight, whereas yesterday when Ben threw three interceptions in four passes, I was not only calling for Charlie Batch, I was calling for the kicking of the nuts of Ben Roethlisberger. Luckily, Benny saved his own ass with that gorgeous little toss to Parker. Ben knew if he lost yesterday’s game, he’d be Kordellized to no end in this city. He’d be so unpopular, the fans would be encouraging him to ride a motorcycle without a helmet.

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And Santonio Holmes did a lot toward diffusing PittGirl’s hate for him. Quite a game for our little asshat, no?

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Still an asshat, but a skilled asshat.And for such a confusing game … with those refs clearly officiating the game drunk, with Ben playing for the other team for a bit, with Hines getting hurt and NOT smiling about it. What confused me MOST was this:

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I don’t even know what to say. The Chin showing emotion this season? Huh?

And Troy. Our Savior Troy, sacrificing himself for the good of others, making game saving plays all over the place. Troysus lives.

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When asked by reporters if he was feeling any ill effects from his concussion, Troysus said:

“I feel great. Thank you.”

Thank you? When is the last time you heard an athlete thank a reporter for inquiring about his health? Never. That’s because there has never been an athlete that is actually Jesus. He even tried to deflect the praise:

“I can only line up where coach (Dick) LeBeau tells me to,” said Polamalu, who was officially credited with seven tackles, one sack, one quarterback pressure and one pass defensed, along with a bunch of big plays that didn’t appear on the stat sheet. “I think it’s a testament to the calls of the defense, the way everybody plays and the trust we have back there.”

Whatever. Troy has free reign on that field and he does what he does by no other power than his own.

Can we start the Church of Troy already?


  1. The Burgher
    November 20, 2006 12:02 pm

    Braylon Edwards was standing out of bounds when trying to catch that final pass. The announcers nver brought it up because it sounds better to scream about how close the steelers came to losing.

    How come I could see he was out of bounds while watching in my living room and the announcers calling the game and all subsequent coverage has made it seem like that pass was so close to being caught?

    He never touched the ball in bounds.

  2. Puma
    November 20, 2006 12:45 pm

    One other thing must be mentioned from yesterday’s game: The mentally-challenged booth team of Gus Johnson & Steve Tasker. My two favorite quotes from yesterday, (among the many…)

    “Many Steeler fans in attendance here today, but there are more Browns fans…” (No kidding, unless they played in Stuebenville, and the Browns fans beat us to the gate, there would/should be more Browns fans in Cleveland.)

    “With 1:18 left, Cowher refuses to quit.” (Thank God. I thought he’d pack it in after the 2 minute warning, and get a jump on post game traffic.)

  3. Ruby Vroom
    November 20, 2006 1:27 pm

    Thank god Ben saved his sweet, sweet(!) ass. It confuses me too much when he’s sucking and I’m still finding him so hot and it’s like how can I think he’s hot when he’s sucking so badly, but then it’s like well he’s Benny and I’m a Pittsburgh woman so it’s only right to think he’s hot regardless, but then it’s like but he’s throwing balls directly to the other team and that is so NOT hot, and on and on… It’s much easier when it’s just “He’s hot. He’s throwing TDs. All is right with the world.”

  4. Aws Com
    November 20, 2006 2:14 pm

    A truer video was never filmed. He might not be Mr. Right … but he’s Mr. Right Now.

  5. K
    November 20, 2006 2:50 pm

    On “The mentally-challenged booth team of Gus Johnson & Steve Tasker”…

    My personal favorite was when one moment they were discussing how great the Steelers looked and what a play making team they were and literally, less than a minute later, were bashing the Steelers. Ugh! I hate these announcers!

  6. Z
    November 20, 2006 3:01 pm

    I am a true believer in the mystical powers of Troysus…let us all say Amen!

  7. Diane K
    November 20, 2006 3:52 pm

    Was that really blood on Benny’s jersey? From where? Did the plates in his head shift?

    Hines Ward. Troysus. I would like to show tape of them to every wussy baseball player who goes on the DL for a month because of a blister. Or cramps.

  8. Lino Gunn
    November 20, 2006 4:41 pm

    Troy: a suitable name for one with god-like abilities. Hail to the Troysus !

  9. Aeran
    November 20, 2006 5:31 pm

    If Benny hadn’t saved his own sweet ass with that last touchdown toss, there’s no way Pittsburgh would let him get away with just being Kordellized — he’d get Maddoxed. oh, snap.

  10. trinity
    November 20, 2006 6:03 pm

    i’ll become a member.

  11. Pickle Sniffer
    November 21, 2006 12:34 am

    Having Gus Johnson & Steve Tasker commentate our games is a punishment for our suck ass record. There is no way they would’ve had these no-name guys doing our game if we were 8-2 and leading our division. Let that be an inspiration to our team going forward.

  12. Ruby Vroom
    November 21, 2006 9:52 am

    Church of Troy? Yes, please. Also, is Cowher no longer dead inside? Did Troy resurrect his soul or is he just really excited to get to go home to Carolina for the holidays?

  13. Chase
    November 27, 2006 11:10 pm

    Ben won us a Super Bowl. You people are fucking retarded.