The new urban weapon.

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Further proof that the writers at the PG have GOT to be making stories up. This shit can’t be true can it?

On Monday, Officer Robert Smith responded to a house on Jumonville Street, Uptown, where the victim, Dennis Arnold, complained that an “unidentified person destroyed two flowers from his front yard flower pot.”

Mr. Arnold, 47, showed Officer Smith the disturbing evidence — two flowers on the sidewalk near his front yard. He said the damage done was “approximately $0.25,” according to an incident report.

Mr. Arnold told police he suspects a female neighbor with whom he has had problems in the past, although he didn’t know her name.

On the incident report, the officer checked various boxes required to categorize the crime and route it through the bureaucracy. One of the questions: “Was incident gang-related?” He checked “no.”

Still, this flower caper isn’t over.

“The investigation,” wrote Officer Smith, “is to continue.”

Hey Officer, don’t be so quick to dismiss the possibility that this is the work of some kinder, gentler, flora-destroying gang roaming the streets of the Hill. They’re not hell bent on killing. They are hell bent on messing with people’s minds by quietly clipping two flowers from every flower pot in the neighborhood. They probably call themselves the Clips.

I’m so glad the police are continuing the investigation into this very very important case. If I lived in the Hill, I’d be sleeping easier at night.





8 Comments

  1. dukey11
    November 20, 2006 10:13 am

    Oh, I’ll be sleeping a lot easier once they’re caught. Damn flower clippers…

    seriously. This is stupid. Replant your damn flowers.



  2. don knotts
    November 20, 2006 10:37 am

    oh no, it’s the apple dumpling flower snipper gang!



  3. Clarion
    November 20, 2006 12:00 pm

    but flowers are people too! Down with flower discrimination!



  4. Ms. Caroline
    November 20, 2006 1:25 pm

    We should take up a collection.



  5. Lino Gunn
    November 20, 2006 4:43 pm

    Where are those PETF people when you need them?



  6. Lino Gunn
    November 20, 2006 4:43 pm

    Where are those PETF people when you need them?



  7. Aeran
    November 20, 2006 5:33 pm

    don’t be hatin’ on the Clips. We’ll prune yo’ ass.



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