For the first time this year, Downtown Pittsburgh’s New Year’s Eve celebration will be marked by the raising of a giant ball at midnight, a la Times Square.
Yes, raised: the thousand-pound, glowing ball is named “The Future of Pittsburgh,” so when the midnight countdown happens it will be lifted to the top of a 74-foot flagpole instead of dropped. (There are enough problemlatic metaphors going on already without worrying about the “The Future” dropping.)
There’s a joke here. I’m just not sure what it is.
Is it a joke about where the hell did this city get the money to purchase (or lease?) a thousand pound ball of glowing light?
Is it a joke about who the hell NAMED THE BALL? Or is it a joke about who the hell came up with the idea to NAME THE BALL?
Is it a joke about the fact that the article refers to the Highmark Building as the Old Horne’s Building? When the hell is it FINALLY going to just be the Highmark Building? But then again, when will the Regional Enterprise Tower stop being the Old Alcoa Building? While we’re at it, is it a joke that this city is stuck in the past?
Is it a joke about how the local newscasters are going to have trouble keeping a straight face as they say things like, “We’re looking forward to the raising of the Future of Pittsburgh later tonight.” or “The Future of Pittsburgh has almost reached the top of the flagpole.” or “Look, Sonni Abatta is sitting on The Future of Pittsburgh dressed as one of Santa’s Elves.”
Help me, Burghers. Help me find the joke that is DYING to be made.