Monthly Archives: December 2006

Ewwwwww.

I would provide witty comments on this news story

A Brookline man shot and killed after a police chase on the North Side was carrying drugs inside his colostomy bag, police said.

“He’s known to law enforcement before,” said Chief Harper during a press briefing yesterday at police headquarters on the North Side. The drugs, suspected of being heroin, were found in two bundles inside the bag Mr. Allen wore to collect body waste after an operation that removed portions of his digestive tract.

… but I’m too busy supressing my gag reflex.

Grossest news story of the year?   Shit, yeah.





Stretch. Then Wii.

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Please, please, please do yourself a favor and go here to watch a special KDKA report on the Wii and the physical exertion that one may expend in playing certain games. Then do your best to not destroy your keyboard with spit-taked coffee as you watch a demonstration on how to stretch your muscles before actually using a Wii.

God.





REEEEEALLY stupid.

There’s stupid.  And then there’s REEEEEEEALLY stupid.  And then there is “what the hell was your mom smoking when she made you” stupid.

This lady falls in the last category.

A Clarion County woman who apparently used a stolen car to get to a state police barracks to be fingerprinted for a civilian job was arrested yesterday on an outstanding warrant from Georgia.

Here’s a hint.  There’s a jillion jobs that don’t require criminal backgroud checks.  If you’re a criminal, go for one of those jobs, m’kay?





How many inches is it?

Hey look!

Steelers kicker Jeff Reed has a Motorola Razr! Totally not safe for work link, dudes.
Awesome.

Hey, Jeff? How many inches long is it?

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Horny Manatees? Yes.

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Reader Beth wrote:

So, I’m watching Conan instead of packing to head back to Western PA for Christmas- And Conan has flown in a band from Pittsburgh to perform a recently written original song. The band is called Rocket Me Nowhere- But what makes it interesting is the song. In a long story, Conan has launched www.hornymanatee.com, and Rocket me Nowhere of the Burgh has written a decent love song about a manatee that they performed on air tonight…There are about a million things wrong with that sentence, and I’m still not sure if I’m sad or glad that I saw it.

So first I checked out www.hornymanatee.com and immediately felt weird so I abandoned that site. Then I checked out the Rocket Me Nowhere site and my God these guys are hilarious:

We are Rocket Me Nowhere a 2 man band. We used to be The Ordeal, but that name sucked! So a lot of our stuff will still say The Ordeal on it. We’re not doing gigs yet because we spend most of our time hugging and crying.

Please go read the entire intro letter because if you get to the last line and you don’t immediately burst into laughter, you are dead inside and I hope you asked Santa for a new heart.

Oh and while you’re there listen to “My Hopeless Manatee”.