Wondering from my last post if perhaps the pigeons really ARE up to something, I did a Google News search for the word pigeon and boy, did I hit the jackpot if there was an “Awesome Pigeon Story” jackpot:
A man who took off his clothes and beat a dead pigeon on a car outside a home in Suffolk has been sentenced to a year in prison for animal cruelty.
Juan Pablo Lopez of Virginia Beach, who was 30 years old at the time of the incident last July, was sentenced Monday by a Suffolk judge. Lopez pleaded guilty last year to burglary, obstruction of justice and animal cruelty.
He received no time for the burglary and obstruction charges. Police say Lopez broke into the home, destroyed bird cages and freed some chickens and pigeons and killed several of them. The homeowners pulled into their driveway and saw Lopez come running out naked, bashed a dead bird against their car and ran away.
Where do I start?
1. Do I start with just the awesomeness of the first line of the article? Do I make that my new email signoff?
2. Do I start with: Yeah, a pigeon can make you THAT crazy.
3. Do I start with the hilarity that he will do no time for burglary, but my GOD, you beat a pigeon and your ass is going away for a year.
4. Do I start with: NAKED! Awesome!
5. Do I start with just the general mental image I am getting of a naked hispanic man beating a dead pigeon on a car and the fact that that mental image is bringing a big knowing smile to my face?
Nah, I’m going to start with: WHO THE HELL KEEPS A PIGEON AS A PET?!?!
And I’m going to end there, too.