A bitch rant about the cold.

My bus was late today because of my big fat bus driver who has to drive slow because his belly inhibits the turning of the steering wheel.

I put away my gloves when I put away the shovel and salt in a decidedly stupid display of weather optimism back when it was at least 60 degrees every day.

I refuse to dig them out again in April, so this morning, my fingers are cute little popsicles.

I wore my hair back today so my wind-whipped ears are cute little ice cubes.

If it snows and accumulates, don’t walk on my sidewalk unless you want to slip and break your neck because the shovel is NOT being dug out and the only salt I’m touching is that which will enhance the flavor of my food.

If you do fall and decide to “go all Edgar Snyder on my ass” (tm Anthony), I’ll just sue you right back. I don’t know what for, but this is America. I’ll find something.


  1. honda driver
    April 5, 2007 9:07 am

    note to self. never, ever, put away snow shovel until memorial day.

  2. spoon
    April 5, 2007 9:33 am

    you can sue them for being the dumb ass to walk in an unshoveled sidewalk and causing you mental anguish based on their stupidity.

  3. pittgirl
    April 5, 2007 10:02 am

    Sounds good.

  4. oddmanout
    April 7, 2007 10:05 pm

    Mother Nature is a harsh mistress!