Monthly Archives: May 2007

Still better than PittGirl … again.

You know how the Burgh deer are all pissed off again and have taken to stomping the stuffing out of innocent bitches everywhere ?

And you know how the Carbolic Smoke Ball makes PittGirl laugh and if I linked you to every story over there that made me laugh this blog would become a shrine to that blog? Well, I’ve had to limit my links to their stories to only those which make me shoot coffee out of my nose, which: OUCH!

This story is one of them.

Particularly this line:

Bailey, 7-year-old beagle from Bethel Park, told a similar story. “I was sniffing a bush that some of my friends had peed on and a deer came out of the woods and said, ‘This is for buck season,’ and just started stomping me.”

(h/t to honda driver who also noticed the hilarity over there today)

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Are you KIDDING me?!?!

Duct tape.

Gotta love the stuff.  Half rope, half tape, all good.

And here in America where we buy loads of crappy shit from China that I’m pretty sure is being held together by a super secret special mixture of spit and flour, our stuff breaks constantly and duct tape is the “temporary” fix that never gets replaced with a permanent fix.

I accept that.  I see a car cruising down the Parkway with a bumper being held in place with duct tape and I say to myself, “Good ole duct tape.”

I’ve used duct tape for lots of things, including taping pigeon beaks shut, but one thing I’m thinking the makers of duct tape will tell us we should NOT use it for is SECURING A HITCH TO A TRUCK!!!!!

As Marty Griffin

… and the Raised Eyebrow of Indignation (not to be confused with Troysus’ Furrowed Eyebrows of Sincerity) report, some Verizon subcontractors, most of whom were in the country illegally (gasp!) used what appears to be a rope fashioned from duct tape to hitch a large cable spool to their pickup truck before being pulled over on the Parkway West.

Are you KIDDING me?!!?

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MY Giant Eagle.

I don’t know about YOUR Giant Eagle, but back where you can buy cheese from every place including Jupiter, MY Giant Eagle has this soul-sucking, scary-as-Ebola, blue-eyed, five-o-clock-shadowed, eyebrow-plucking, toupee-wearing, sombrero-hatted, overall-outfitted mannequin that I’m pretty sure if you get close enough to will blink once just to make you crap your pants.


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Random n@.

1.  Sorry for two Random n@ posts in a row, but lordy it is slow in the Burgh lately.  In fact, the pigeons are so bored I’m pretty sure I saw one of them sitting on the curb on Strawberry Way just picking its nose.

2.   Today is my birthday.  While I sit here and cry into my half-caff sugar-free Hazlenut coffee, I’m going to console myself by reminding me that likely huge amounts of loot from loyal readers can be expected.  I think I need a PO Box.

3.   For those of you that think she’s just the cutest thing ever, iJustine is now video-streaming her life 24/7.  Yikes!  I could never because well, first of all, I can’t operate with a paper bag over my head and secondly, I think you’d just die of boredom watching as I glue myself to my TV during So You Think You Can Dance?! (What?)  And my shrine to Troy, David, Wendy and Matt would probably just give you a case of the heebie jeebies you couldn’t shake.

4.   Some Burghers opened a Burghy joint in North Raleigh.  That is all.

5.   Lukey hasn’t said or endorsed “Move Forward” in ages it seems.  I blame Yarone Zober.  I’ve taken to chomping on Orbit Mint Mojito gum to help with the shakes.

6.  You all can head over to Steeler Tribute to vote on the 75th Anniversary All-Unheralded Team, but more fun, the All-Suck Team (really!).  Which is just a nice opportunity for this city to once again join together in the bonds of Steelerhood and tell Kordell Stewart just how much we hate his guts.   And thank God they included Mr. Kris-miss because if ever there was a load of suckitude, that boy was it.  Tell them PittGirl sent you and that it’s her birthday.

7.  Can you all think of a better birthday gift than an email from David Conrad?  Yeah, me neither.  Someday, Burghers.  Someday.

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Random n@.

1. From Guelph, Ontario, which is exactly 503 kilometers from the Burgh:

GUELPH, Ontario (AP) — Police in Ontario are looking for a man who allegedly approached women and asked them to kick him in the groin.

How come no one ever walks up to PittGirl and asks her to kick them in the groin? Because: GLADLY!

2. Further proof that Troysus is practically Jesus:

“I don’t really feel comfortable taking credit for anything,” Polamalu said of his commitment to charity. “To me it’s something we’re supposed to do.”

Indeed, Polamalu does not show up at hospitals just to sign autographs and pose for pictures. He forges a personal connection with the sick children he visits on a regular basis, which makes their experiences that much more special.

“I could sit there and see 50 kids and literally scribble on a piece of paper and have them be satisfied,” Polamalu said. “It would be way more authentic for me to say ‘Hey Michael, hey Luke, hey John, how are you guys doing’ and really get to know everybody.”

The three-time Pro Bowler said he plans to spend time with veterans to show them that people care about them, to, as Polamalu said, “give them love.”

“The easiest thing to do is to give money, especially when you have a high-paying job,” Polamalu said. “I think when you sacrifice time is when you really sacrifice something.”

All about the giving and loving. AND: Michael, Luke, John? Angel, apostle, apostle. Just sayin’.

3. Did you guys see Miss USA fall on her ass last night during the evening gown competition for Miss Universe? I found the wherewithal to take my hand off of my gaping mouth long enough to point and laugh at her skinny ass (see, I don’t only make fun of fat people!).

And she still made top five after falling during a portion of the competition that host Mario Lopez informed us was all about poise, grace, and elegance. I call shenanigans. But then again, this is what happens when DAVE FRICKIN’ NAVARRO IS A JUDGE of poise, grace, and elegance.

Also, in my defense there was nothing else on.

4. Wow. “Recent pic? Check. Pic from 20-odd years ago that may or may not be me? Check. Pic of the metal screws in my neck just in case she thinks I’m lying about the metal screws in my neck? CHECK!”

5. It cost me almost $40 to fill up my tank today. Gawd.

6. I was SO CLOSE!

I imagine right now Lukey’s assistant is taking a memo ordering the marketing department to commission a new billboard: “Welcome to Luke Ravenstahl’s Most Livable City!!”

The electronic billboard on Grant actually says, “Welcome to the Most Livable City! Luke Ravenstahl, Mayor.”

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