I feel a tangent coming on.

UPMC released earnings figures yesterday:

The region’s largest employer yesterday said it actually earned $459 million through the first nine months of fiscal 2007 on record revenues of $5 billion, and it is on pace to exceed its eye-popping performance of 2006, when its “excess margin” — earnings in excess of operating costs — soared 77 percent to $512 million and revenue nearly exceeded $6 billion.

Um, I’m going to withhold my erupting tangent to ask just to be sure … but isn’t “excess margin” or “earnings in excess of operating costs” the same damn thing as a profit?

And wouldn’t you say a profit of half a billion dollars would make UPMC a FOR profit?

I don’t understand this at all, because to me it seems clearer than Sonni Abatta’s skin.

Does UPMC have naked pictures of the IRS getting it on with the SEC? Because THAT would surely explain how they are getting away with this.

UPMC is turning into King Kong by climbing to the top of the USX tower, smacking its name up there in big bright shiny ugly letters and then beating its hairy, profit-making chest in celebration that they’ve come one step closer to Burgh-wide domination in their efforts to rename this city Luke Ravenstahl’s UPMC-Burgh.

And whaddaya know? I had a tangent anyway.





17 Comments

  1. Mrs. Subdivided We Stand
    May 9, 2007 8:17 am

    Damn it PittGirl, you beat me to the punch with your rant on UPMC. I would love to know how they get away with this.



  2. Woy
    May 9, 2007 8:21 am

    That’s one hell of a fund balance, baby!



  3. Puma
    May 9, 2007 8:40 am

    Undisputed Profit Margin Corporation



  4. Judge Rufus Peckham
    May 9, 2007 8:41 am

    In UPMC’s defense, it can’t be denied that it spends its massive profits in a wise and prudent manner; e.g., the move of its corporate offices to the high rent district of the U.S. Steel Tower downtown, far from its hospitals. (One suspects it would move to New York if given the chance.) The next time KDKA airs that Children’s Hospital free care fund telethon — where they ask the working people of Pittsburgh to hand over their hard-earned money, we should all remember this.



  5. Joey
    May 9, 2007 9:23 am

    And remember, too, they are supposed to be a “non-profit” as well. I know a lot of true non-profits who would love a bottom line like that.



  6. Bram R
    May 9, 2007 9:39 am

    “UPMC is turning into King Kong by climbing to the top of the USX tower, smacking its name up there in big bright shiny ugly letters and then beating its hairy, profit-making chest in celebration that they’ve come one step closer to Burgh-wide domination in their efforts to rename this city Luke Ravenstahl’s UPMC-Burgh.”

    Holy Maureen Dowd, Batman!!!



  7. pittgirl
    May 9, 2007 9:45 am

    I have no idea if Bram just complimented me or insulted me.



  8. UPenisMC envy
    May 9, 2007 9:57 am

    Jealous because their fund balance is bigger than your’s? It’s not the size of the excess margins it’s how you use it baybee.



  9. DW
    May 9, 2007 9:59 am

    That jet is top of the line in it’s class. It costs a ton to maintain and fly. I’m sure it’s not used for any worldwide private junkets…non-profit my butt.



  10. Bram R
    May 9, 2007 11:40 am

    PittGirl: That’s totally a compliment
    (julie_gong: told ya)



  11. Zsa
    May 9, 2007 12:41 pm

    Things like this are why the term “not-for-profit” came into being. It’s more appropriate to what is actually going on – “Hey, we’re not TRYING to make profits, but if we do, twenty-three skidoo!” “Non-profit” makes it sound like anytime any profit is made they immediately give it to the Little Sisters of the Poor or something.

    So in other words, they try to sound less sleazy than they are by making up a term that embraces the sleaziness.



  12. TRUTH TELLER
    May 9, 2007 1:25 pm

    I work for a non-profit – they are POLITICALLY DRIVEN, need I say more???



  13. Huh?
    May 9, 2007 9:37 pm

    OK, so I work for King Kong and I’m WAY confused here. For months we’ve been hearing about how budgets are tight, there’s no money to spend, we’re not on target to make projections, positions need to be cut, blah, blah, blah. I swear on my Big Ben bobblehead, I even heard someone very high up say, and I quote, “We’re not making enough money right now to work on that type of initiative.” Really? $450 million isn’t enough? Good grief. I’m asking for a raise pronto.



  14. TheTruth
    May 11, 2007 12:39 pm

    Did you see this?

    http://www.postgazette.com/pg/07131/785294-100.stm

    Makes you love them even more, doesn’t it?



  15. Grew up in pitt, left asap so sue me i still care
    May 12, 2007 10:42 am

    The real problem is that as a non-profit UPMC doesn’t pay taxes. Tough to keep roads paved, etc., when your largest employer doesn’t kick in.



  16. John
    May 13, 2008 4:17 pm

    Yeah, UPMC is sooo bad. They only gave $150 million to the brand new CHP, $100 million dollars to expand Passavant, and $100 million for Pittsburgh Promise.

    Yet this sign is rather unnecessary.



  17. R L M
    June 12, 2008 2:33 pm

    I think a corporate jet for such a “great” academic institution was money well spent along with their logo. No other respectable academic hospital system has gone to such excess without paying full taxes to their home city. This sounds more like a for-profit machine, just taking us all for a ride.

    The powers that run UPMC: if you have any decency, pay some taxes before you buy the next jet, Hollywood-sized sign, space shuttle, or small Island off the coast of Dubai…

    And don’t get any ideas from my comments, oh wait… there’s already a center in Dubai.