PittGirl’s Call: Asshole.

Cat Specter of Cat’s Call fame, the PG’s relationship advice column, has a website wherein she posts what couldn’t be printed.

A while back she posed a question to her readers basically asking why men are so scared of marriage.  A reply she received from a Burgher that should be kicked in the nuts contains the following gems:

More women also increases the likelihood of having higher quality offspring. Also, unlike women, there is no real risk (aside from STDs) in having sex; in theory I could bust a nut in one woman, then another 15 minutes later – The more the better.

As is evident, fidelity and marriage don’t really correlate, so biologically speaking, for a woman marriage makes lots of sense, and for a male it makes none unless that’s the only way he gets the regular Punanny.

The only men who willingly seek marriage are those who won’t get laid without it or who are under some spell by their mate who has convinced them she is superior to him and that he needs to keep her tied down.

Or finally, if they are too lazy to chase tail, and they want it served to them easily and regularly. It’s women that have the clock that’s ticking away, and it’s women that have a harder time getting laid when they get old. Think about the question this way….  For the sake of argument, put this ‘notion’ of ‘love’ aside, and can you think of any practical reasons why men should get married? There are plenty for women… Very very very few for men.

My Ball o’Magic tells me that this is what’s happening right now.

1.  Every woman, single or married, is clutching her pearls, aghast at this asshole.

2.  The single men are saluting this asshole.  This brilliant asshole.

3.  The happily married men are clutching photos of their children, remembering a time when they were this asshole.

4.  The unhappily married men are wondering if this asshole will be their king.



  1. sherry
    May 15, 2007 11:54 am

    i’d bet heavy money that this guy lives with his mom!

  2. Pat
    May 15, 2007 11:59 am

    I’m getting married in August, so I’ve already put my manhood into a jar on top of the fridge. That probably leaves me unqualified to judge this guy.

  3. DW
    May 15, 2007 12:19 pm

    The reason is my daughter…she means everything to me.

    Well, then again, maybe I’m just too lazy to “chase tail” according to this Einstein.

    sherry, i’d bet w/ ya that this dude lives w/ mommy.

  4. mer-man
    May 15, 2007 12:20 pm

    Potential posse member?

  5. Sofa King
    May 15, 2007 12:27 pm

    Hey, they finally printed my letter!!!


    I think Sherry’s probably right about this one. I’m fairly certain this guy rarely, if ever, gets laid in real life. He’s probably basing his letter on being the biggest online pimp in his World of Warcraft clan.

  6. TheTruth
    May 15, 2007 12:56 pm

    Would a smooth operator, like this guy claims to be, really take the time to type a letter to Cat Specter, PG relationship advice columnist? As PittGirl likes to say, Um. No.

    And if he was really such a fantastic “chaser of tail who is not looking for a wife”, Why would he be looking for advice on relationships in the first place?

    The “Boy is the Basement Theroy” is a strong possibility.
    (Another is that the whole letter is made up by an certain author looking to give some free advice)

  7. mer-man
    May 15, 2007 1:08 pm

    I normally don’t like advice columns, but because of Cat Specter’s hat, I’m willing to make an exception.

  8. PittGirl
    May 15, 2007 1:24 pm

    It is a very jaunty hat.

  9. Pat
    May 15, 2007 1:31 pm

    Much thanks to whomever added the “Yinzer” page I created in Wikipedia a while back to the Pittsburgh entry. In the top section!

  10. dwight
    May 15, 2007 1:33 pm

    Hee hee. It isn’t legal for me to get married. Thank goodness for small (yet unconstitutional) favors.

  11. gunn lino
    May 15, 2007 4:53 pm

    TheTruth………I’ll bet it’s a finished basement, with cable TV.
    And a microwave.

  12. Chuck
    May 15, 2007 9:30 pm

    Yup, hands down that guys a fool!!!
    and Cat is one SERIOUS BABE!!!!!!

  13. dano
    May 15, 2007 11:15 pm

    Got to be the same guy that Will Ferrill played in Wedding Crashers “Mom! Meatloaf! F***!”

  14. Susanne
    May 16, 2007 1:11 am

    This guy is sad. He doesnt think he will ever be loved, so he created this theory to make himself feel superior. I do think alot of guys out there subscribe to this line of crap. Every mother of a teenage girl should print this out and read it to her over breakfast. Along with a “sistas do it for themselves” sermon. CHURCH A GIRL!

  15. Michael
    May 16, 2007 7:19 am

    This “guy” speaks the truth. No one who regularly visits these blogs would respond in the affirmative with this guy as it would be politically incorrect. He is not an asshole he is “everyman”. The attempts to discredit him by describing him as a “basement dweller” is quite sad. The sentiments he provided are real and felt by many men in all demographics. Marriage is designed for the security of the woman(family). In most cases marriage provides the greatest benefit for the woman. Since feminism has sought to bring social equality to the sexes the need to protect women by men has greatly diminished.

    So with the way the our society is evolving the need for a contract overseen by the government for a consentual relationship is absurd. Women have all the opportunities and benefits afforded men (in some ways more) so marriage is becomming more and more obsolete.

    We are mamals and the best way to breed mamals is to have 4 to 6 females per male. Now I know that the argument to that is “we are not animals” but we are human animals none the less and we tend to gravitate towards our roots.

    I usually lurk and don’t participate in these verbal masturbatory exercises but I was surprised by the lack of agreement with the “asshole” in these commentaries.

    For background, I’m a healthcare professional who is white and in his mid fifties.

    Thank you and wear your safety belt.

  16. PittGirl
    May 16, 2007 7:45 am

    Honestly, I think that men that subscribe to this philosophy eventually change their minds when one of two things (or both) happens.

    1. They meet an awesome chick they don’t want to let get away.

    2. They have a daughter, and realize they don’t want her to be one of 4 to 6 mammals to some asshole.

    Just my .02.

  17. M. Silenus
    May 16, 2007 9:07 am

    I hope you’re right, PittGirl. But reading comments like the one you quoted gives me a sense of urgency about helping my son and daughter develop a solid emotional life while they’re young, so that he won’t have to wait until he has kids to know, and she won’t have to go through the heartbreak of being “herded.” Honestly though, a little empathy goes a long way toward cutting through the crap.

  18. Sofa King
    May 16, 2007 9:38 am

    No, Michael, I think the truth is that not all guys are assholes like the author and, quite possibly, you.

    Oversimplifying marriage and relationships to such stark, utlitarian biological terms minimizes or wholly eliminates the impact of the emotional factors that are part-and-parcel of normal human interactions. The complex web that is emotion can be described as a combination of many lower-order feelings elicited by the production of neurotransmitters. While the connection is still not completely understood, scientists have found that the presence, or even mere thought of, certain individuals can spark the production of a combination of neurotransmitters, thus resulting in the specific emotions one feels toward that individual. Thus, if I were to defend marriage on equally cold terms such as yours, I would have to equate it to the social construct equivalent of a methadone clinic.

    In a world that is becoming increasingly overcrowded by the minute, the argument for “propagation of species” by inseminating as many females as possible is exceedingly thin. It sounds more like the construct of a defense mechanism by the author more than anything. I understand the argument behind “gravitating toward our (theoretical) roots.” However, I would posit that the our “roots” may also play a part in the construction of such ideas as love, as such ideas may also be vestiges of our shared upbringing, perhaps offshoots of Jung’s Collective Unconscious. Despite the relative gains made in social equality by women in the past 50 years, marriage is by no means becoming “obsolete,” as you stated. That is because love, marriage, and family fulfill some higher-order need, a need that, no matter how hard we may wish to rationalize or reason away, is still very present and very essential to human existence.

    The fact of the matter is that there are certain things…such as love…that are much bigger than we are capable of understanding completely. Attempting to explain them away is essentially attempting to explain away key defining facets of what it means to be human. We are human because we love and because we feel compassion. Stop putting up walls and start living, amigo.

  19. PittGirl
    May 16, 2007 9:46 am

    [stands up and applauds]

  20. Pinto Alegre
    May 16, 2007 9:53 am

    I feel like I just earned my doctorate after reading Sofa King’s reply. Great job SK!

  21. eag
    May 16, 2007 10:12 am

    I am initiating the teen movie “slow clap” for SK…

    May 16, 2007 11:21 am

    Much thanks Sofa King and, um, Michael…spell check is an awesome tool brother.

  23. Martha
    May 16, 2007 11:55 am

    BRAVO Sofa King!

  24. mer-man
    May 16, 2007 12:21 pm

    “the best way to breed mamals is to have 4 to 6 females per male.”

    What about just one HUGE female?

  25. Ms. Caroline
    May 16, 2007 12:44 pm

    Ms. Caroline heart Sofa King

  26. mer-man
    May 16, 2007 1:12 pm

    I expect Sofa King to further discuss the difference between placental mammals and marsupials and how that translates to the superiority of monogamy.

  27. Michael
    May 16, 2007 1:23 pm

    Wow Sofa King that was quite a rant. That wasn’t profound the was Sofa king profound!

    Sorry I just had to do that.

    I do apologize as my atttempt to come to the defense of some poor slob unfortunate enough to document his ramblings and be labeled a single insulting word. On top of that other strangers were speculating the level of pathetic existance this guy lives.

    We all have opinions and those opinions can come across differently depending on our moods.

    While I don’t disagree with much you had to say (except Jung’s Collective Unconscious), I do want to qwell your suspicions. I happen to be a great believer in the power of love as I have been married for near 20 years and I deeply love my two poor hormone ravaged teenaged children. However I don’t think that love is far bigger than we can understand it is the need to share our lives with someone that believes in us and thus gives us value. It creates a powerful draw that pulls us toward that individual despite any rational argument otherwise. Emotion however does not work by algorithm. So we just deal with it.

    We all yearn for that great relationship but when things dont work out and we rant to some advice column in a bitter tone I just don’t think a kick in the nuts is the answer.

    I know the whole mamals and breed thingy was inflammatory and I guess I got carried away but it is an ammusing fact.

    Anyway your point is well taken and I hope you enjoy the satisfaction that it brings.

    There are no walls here.

  28. Sofa King
    May 16, 2007 3:40 pm

    Michael, have you ever read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl? I think your point about gaining a sense of worth based on the value that someone else sees in you plays well into the main message in that book.

    P.S.- Thanks everyone! Hehehe…

    May 16, 2007 5:04 pm

    Nice back track Michael. Please consider using spell check in the future though as your misspellings are driving me berserk!!!

  30. Brando
    May 17, 2007 10:02 pm

    All of this lovey-dovey he-said she-said stuff is irrelevant. The real travesty here…as mer-man has already pointed out…is Specter’s hat, which has placed her firmly at the top of my “On Notice” list.

    Check out the “Cat’s Pause” section, the article entitled “Honesty is Overrated”. Pretty good relationship advice there! Oh…and she substituted the word “hay-ell” for the word “hell”. Must be that damn hat….

  31. Brando
    May 17, 2007 10:03 pm

    All of this lovey-dovey he-said she-said stuff is irrelevant. The real travesty here…as mer-man has already pointed out…is Specter’s hat, which has placed her firmly at the top of my “On Notice” list.

    Check out the “Cat’s Pause” section, the article entitled “Honesty is Overrated”. Pretty good relationship advice there! Pbbbbbbbbt! Oh…and she substituted the word “hay-ell” for the word “hell”. Must be that damn hat….