I may be branded a shallow bitch for saying this … but there are certain types of folks who should never pose nude.
1. People with body mass indexes higher than their cholesterol.
2. Old people.
3. Old people with body mass indexes higher than their cholesterol.
“Miss April,” for instance, photographed in a pasture wearing nothing but a smile and a giant pink umbrella, is 75-year-old Esther Cox, who ran Cox’s IGA Market on Route 481 for 40 years. Former snack bar and club owner Bebe Barantovich, 85, a lifelong performer who claims to have sung “God Bless America” more times than Kate Smith, is the bare-shouldered “Miss June” peeking through the frame of Faye Irey’s grand piano. As “Miss December,” longtime teacher Sondra Odelli Bordini strikes a provocative pose behind a poinsettia centerpiece, studded with two large red Christmas balls that are positioned exactly where her … well, you get the picture.
1. I can’t decide whether to applaud these fearless ladies or to snark about it. I choose snark.
2. Do you think some nasty pervert with an old lady fetish is going to buy these things in bulk? This is a Special Victims Unit episode just waiting to happen.
3. At what point in time did a person trying to think of a fundraiser pipe up with “NAKED OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!” and everyone in the room started applauding that awesome idea?
4. Do you think all the male retirees in the homes will have these hanging up in their rooms and be all, “Man, look at the pumpkins on Miss November. If I ever met her, I’d just …” EW!
5. There are two photos posted so you can get a sneak peek at the hot skin action. Those of you that click on “Click photo for larger image” … WHY?
6. Since I KNOW some of you are actually going to purchase this calendar … the PG has the website wrong. They will be for sale for ten dollars (that works out to $.83 per lady) here.
P.S. That photo up there is not from this particular calendar. But from ANOTHER old naked lady calendar. I’d tell you where, but I’m not here to feed your fetish … sicko.