1. Sorry not much posting today. It is really hard to snark on random news of the Burgh when shit like this happens. It leaves you feeling confused, mad, sad and not much like writing about the reproductive prowess of the resident pachyderm. The only people that should die while screaming in terror are murderers, rapists, and maybe pigeons. Not little kids. Grr.
2. Jeff Reed is dangerously close, dangerously. close. to snatching the asshat label from Santonio. I don’t know where to even begin. His ridiculous hair that even Don King would look at and be all, “DUDE! WTF?” That his shirt eventually was taken off to reveal a body that for some strange reason is giving me heebie jeebies and the “ew!”s. God.
Put your shirt back on and sober the hell up. You’re a Steeler for cryin’ out loud. We’ve already got a drunken fool capable of drinking like a champion and we sure don’t need another one. I’m not saying you can’t go out and have a drink and flirt with the girls, but maybe use a TEENY less hair product and KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON (nsfw), DAMN IT!
And what is so hard about getting through life without your naked photo regularly appearing on the Internet. I’ve gone 33 years and it has only happened once. Take a lesson.
(h/t fisticuffs … that’s his name. Fisticuffs.)
3. A book about Jesus coming to Pittsburgh and getting stopped by homeland security? Even without reading it I bet the very next thing I should say is, “and hilarity ensues.” I have a million funny things I want to say about this but I don’t like to piss Jesus off because: what if He takes it out on the Steelers?! Check it out. (h/t Janet)
4. You know how Giant Eagle said that those self-checkout lines would not replace the jobs of humans? On Sunday evening, about 8:00 p.m., my Giant Eagle which is a big giant Giant Eagle had one human running the express lane, six self-check out lanes open, and … that’s it. So if you had a buggy full of groceries, you had to check yourself out. That irked me to not end and just to get back at them, I kicked their Mexican in the huevos.
5. Once again, a bunch of people sitting in a room brainstorming ideas to celebrate the city’s 250th birthday … went with the monkey’s idea. Is there a Guiness Record for the most people rolling their eyes at the same time?