A local company specializing in those god-awful pole dancing parties here in the Burgh is called XXX-Ercise.
Our sessions are designed for women of all sizes and shapes from ages 18 – 88. Instructors will customize the session based upon age, flexibility, and willingness of the group. Depending on your comfort level and tastes, our sessions can range from sophisticated and classy to down-right naughty. XXX-Ercise let’s you set the pace. And best of all, absolutely no dance experience or nudity is required!
Nothing odd there, other than you know, the 88-year-old thing, but whatever … if they’re posing nude what’s going to stop them from some bow-chicka-bow?
What’s awesome about this company is all of the OTHER services they offer … and I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP:
- Pole Dancing
- Strip Tease and Lap Dancing Techniques
- Yoga and Pilates
- Adult novelty parties
- Sex education
- Massage Therapy — Chair, Swedish, Hot Stone, Sports, Deep Tissue, Couples, Guided, Focused, LDT, Reiki, Prenatal, among others
- Permanent eye lashes and eye lash extensions
- Brow and lash tinting
- Mini manicures and pedicures
- Facial and body waxing
- Make up application and lessons
- Custom hair extensions
- Teeth Whitening
- Instructor services
- Limo service
- Psychic and tarot card readings
- Extreme entertainment, i.e. fire-breathing
- Personal Shopping
And that’s not all. According to the site, coming soon they’ll have:
- Custom Photography
- Male Dancers
- Personal Trainers
- Nutrition Counselors
- Catering Service
Are you KIDDING ME?!?!?!? The same place that will teach you to do the fireman spin, will also whiten your teeth, hire you a limo, read your fortune, teach you how to have sex, lap dance, put on makeup, and eat AND cater your function?
I bet they sell fish bait too.
Best part ever? Imagine having to tell all your guests at your wedding when they ask you who catered the meal: XXX-ERCISE!