… and we’ll re-pave your driveway, too!

A local company specializing in those god-awful pole dancing parties here in the Burgh is called XXX-Ercise.

Our sessions are designed for women of all sizes and shapes from ages 18 – 88. Instructors will customize the session based upon age, flexibility, and willingness of the group. Depending on your comfort level and tastes, our sessions can range from sophisticated and classy to down-right naughty. XXX-Ercise let’s you set the pace. And best of all, absolutely no dance experience or nudity is required!

Nothing odd there, other than you know, the 88-year-old thing, but whatever … if they’re posing nude what’s going to stop them from some bow-chicka-bow?

What’s awesome about this company is all of the OTHER services they offer … and I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP:

  • Pole Dancing
  • Strip Tease and Lap Dancing Techniques
  • Yoga and Pilates
  • Adult novelty parties
  • Sex education
  • Massage Therapy — Chair, Swedish, Hot Stone, Sports, Deep Tissue, Couples, Guided, Focused, LDT, Reiki, Prenatal, among others
  • Permanent eye lashes and eye lash extensions
  • Brow and lash tinting
  • Mini manicures and pedicures
  • Facial and body waxing
  • Make up application and lessons
  • Custom hair extensions
  • Teeth Whitening
  • Instructor services
  • Limo service
  • Psychic and tarot card readings
  • Extreme entertainment, i.e. fire-breathing
  • Personal Shopping

And that’s not all.  According to the site, coming soon they’ll have:

  • Custom Photography
  • Music
  • Bands
  • DJ’s
  • Male Dancers
  • Personal Trainers
  • Nutrition Counselors
  • Catering Service

Are you KIDDING ME?!?!?!?  The same place that will teach you to do the fireman spin, will also whiten your teeth, hire you a limo, read your fortune, teach you how to have sex, lap dance, put on makeup, and eat AND cater your function?

I bet they sell fish bait too.

Best part ever?  Imagine having to tell all your guests at your wedding when they ask you who catered the meal:  XXX-ERCISE!





12 Comments

  1. Rachel
    June 14, 2007 11:19 pm

    This doesn’t really have anything to do with this entry (unless XXX-ERCISE decides to take on pigeon-training), but I’ve only just begun to browse “The Damn Pigeons” category, and I’ve never laughed aloud at any written words so wholly. Ever.



  2. Scott
    June 14, 2007 11:39 pm

    Maybe she’ll combine the fire eating and nutrition counseling into a real appetite reduction product that could transform her into an exxxtreme version of Jenny Craig.



  3. Sofa King
    June 15, 2007 8:55 am

    What, no anal bleaching?

    Hmm…pole dancing, strip tease, firewalkers and eyelash extensions? I wonder if they do first communion and baptism parties?



  4. DW
    June 15, 2007 8:59 am

    I wish they’d mow yards at a reasonable price.



  5. pittgirl
    June 15, 2007 9:14 am

    Rachel, here at the Burgh Blog effusive praise is ALWAYS on topic.

    Thanks!



  6. NY Luvs Pitts
    June 15, 2007 10:55 am

    Do they make travel arrangements? I would like to get to Pittsburgh this fall to see a game or two.



  7. Bluetail
    June 15, 2007 10:59 am

    All that, but no Proper Use of the Apostrophe



  8. plexxer
    June 15, 2007 3:21 pm

    I believe they can also act as a Notary.



  9. Still A. Fan
    June 15, 2007 8:38 pm

    tongue scraping.

    it’s the new “flossing”.



  10. mpc72
    June 17, 2007 5:30 pm

    That’s a pretty long list of additional services beyond erotic and pole dancing techniques.

    I’m guessing they’ve partnered with other small business which provide the additional services. There is no way they could be providing all of that by themselves.



  11. Bram R the Language Geek
    June 18, 2007 4:15 pm

    I like “extreme entertainment, i.e. fire breathing” because it sounds like they’re saying that extreme entertainment is SYNONYMOUS with fire breathing; that it is the only possible entertainment that is extreme. I think they meant to put e.g. instead of i.e.



  12. TRUTHTELLER
    June 19, 2007 11:06 am

    I would guess there could be some serious health code violations here…:)