Random n@.

1.  Reader Heavy T pointed me to this hilarious post about alli, Burgh-based GlaxoSmithKline’s new over-the-counter miracle diet pill with a side effect of YOU WILL DEFINITELY SHIT OIL IN YOUR PANTS WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK.

Then there are the side effects, which can include oily discharge, diarrhea and uncontrollable bowel movements significant enough for the company to recommend carrying an extra pair of pants until users have acclimated to the drug.

I think the “miracle” part is that anyone can be so desperate to lose weight that instead of making a lifestyle change by eating right and exercising, they would actually take a pill that they KNOW WILL MAKE THEM SHIT OIL IN THEIR PANTS WHILE THEY ARE AT WORK.

Put down the HoHo and take a walk.

2.   If you are in need of a David Conrad fix, here’s a  video discovered by reader Denise.  You don’t need to understand it.  Just watch it for David.  Or you can check out this trailer for the movie Dumpster, discovered by me.

3.  Survivor casting call.  Is that show still on?

4.  Apparently, God wants you to hit your children with a free, un-sanded two-by-four with jagged edges.

“It came, ‘Make paddles. Give them away,'” he said. “I blew it off. The fourth time, it came real hard.”

Maybe God meant crash cart paddles?  Or kayak paddles?  And not so much hit your kid paddles.  Just a thought.

Salvati also put together appointment slips so kids and parents can schedule spankings.

“Daddy, I used a bad word.  Do you think you can pencil me in for a four o’clock spanking?”

Don’t freak out at me.  I’m not against discipline, but I am against using a two-by-four to mete it out.

5.   Did anyone else in the whole country watch USA beat Mexico in the Gold Cup final?  That’s soccer, people.  Anyone at all?  Seriously, it looked like Mexico there in Soldier Field in Chicago.  I think I saw maybe 10 Americans in the stands.  It is a shame this country isn’t more into soccer because it was an AWESOME game and our guys deserved more support than was there.


  1. dwight
    June 25, 2007 1:07 pm

    “it looked like Mexico there in Soldier Field in Chicago. I think I saw maybe 10 Americans in the stands.”

    Come on, PittGirl, I’m a little surprised at you on this one. All those “Mexicans” you saw could very well have been American. And tell me if I’m reading into it, but buy “Americans,” I assume (but hope you’re not) using it synonymously with white people? I am usually the last person offended by race-based good-natured ribbing, but this just irked me for some reason.

  2. pittgirl
    June 25, 2007 1:14 pm

    Heh. Oh boy, Dwight. If you knew me, you would know why thinking I have anything against Mexicans is quite hilarious.

    I only meant there was barely anyone cheering for America because of all the Mexico jerseys and Mexico flags, etc. It has NOTHING to do with skin color and everything to do with jersey and flag color.

    There was green and red all over the place and barely any RED WHITE AND BLUE, which I’m pointing out is ironic considering the event took place in Chicago.

    I am a HUGE fan of Mexican soccer, Chivas being my favorite team and former-Chivas player Oswaldo Sanchez being my favorite player.

    I watched this particular match with a Mexican. Swear it. And we were both commenting that it looked like Mexico there.

    Again, someday when I’m outed, you are SO GOING TO laugh at being offended by this. And no, I’m not Mexican.

    June 25, 2007 1:15 pm

    1. Any pill that is a “fat blocker” will make you have anal leakage because the fat has to go somewhere. I agree PG, put down the HoHo and get off your ass!

    4. My mom used wooden spoons and spatulas, which usually broke during the task (yeah for me!) :)

  4. parking chair
    June 25, 2007 1:37 pm

    let me get this straight…

    his normal prayer time is IN THE SHOWER?

    and the message from God “came real hard”?

    Are we still talking about paddling?

  5. dwight
    June 25, 2007 1:49 pm

    Yeah, PG, I probably came off more accusatory than I meant to and I would be surprised if you did have something against Mexicans (or any group for that matter, besides jerks and a-holes, but they are fair game). So please disregard my being offended and the comment. Oh, and so I can laugh at being offended sooner rather than later, let’s set up a meeting. I’ll keep your identity a secret. I’ve kept me being a ‘mo a secret for 3+ decades from some people, so I am very good at it! Heheh. :)

  6. Ms. Caroline
    June 25, 2007 2:54 pm

    I believe Marilyn Brooks of WTAE described it as “explosive” diarrhea. Oily? Eh. Explosive? HOLY SH*T – literally.

    Dwight? ‘mo? I love it.

  7. Joe Striker
    June 25, 2007 2:58 pm

    I love soccer, but unfortunately it’s not the high speed-paced game that most Americans enjoy watching, so most loose interest. Soccer is a great sport – I love the game but always worry about going to them, especially the Mexico ones – STORY: had a bad ‘let sell glass beer bottles for the US/Mexico game at the Meadowlands’ incident that landed several people leaving the stands with bleeding heads once the US scored their 5th goal…. not fun.

  8. Kelli
    June 25, 2007 4:50 pm

    I had a roommate who took Xenical (the prescription version of alli) for awhile.

    Yeah, she shit herself.

    However, she only shit herself when she made no effort at all to watch her fat intake.

    The doctor told her that’s why the pill was good – it helped her body not absorb fat and also forced her eat healthy and excercise (or shit herself.)

    She found another options. She quit taking it and just stayed fat.

  9. Daniel
    June 25, 2007 5:34 pm

    I know this is not a political blog but the reason for all of those mexicans in the stands is that Chicago area is the second largest mexican immigrant community in the US (after LA, of course). And you know how us mexicans follow our national team; the mexican national team plays more games in different US cities than it does here in Mexico, it’s all about who shows them the money, and tickets charged in dollars are better than in pesos…

  10. bucdaddy
    June 25, 2007 6:22 pm

    Every soccer game I’ve ever watched is: Three guys kick ball back and forth at midfield until someone kicks it out of bounds. Everyone else stands around. Wash, rinse, repeat. About three times a game someone gets an actual shot on the net from maybe 20 feet away and sends the ball 20 yards above the crossbar. Player who trips on chalkline acts like he’s been shot to get opponent thrown out of game. Keeper holds ball, looks downfield, places ball on grass, picks up ball, looks downfield, thinks about punting ball, rolls ball to teammate who kicks it out of bounds. Final score: 0-0. Soccer fans tell me I just don’t understand the beauty of the dribble.

  11. PittGirl
    June 25, 2007 6:46 pm


  12. Still A. Fan
    June 25, 2007 10:17 pm

    soccer does not compute.

    shit oil in pants at work made what i was drinking come out of my nose……..which is almost as bad. pretty cool that a girl says “shit oil in pants at work”. i’m still laughing.

  13. K
    June 25, 2007 11:27 pm

    Some people are genetically heavy. It isn’t always diet and exercize that is the problem. I would expect better from you.

  14. Rachel
    June 25, 2007 11:58 pm

    Soccer? You mean, futbol? Football? What?

  15. BURGH
    June 26, 2007 12:51 am

    There is a cure for the ‘genetically heavy’.

    It’s called a salad.

  16. SALAD
    June 26, 2007 6:30 am

    If only the cure for “genetically intellectually inferior” were as simple.

    June 26, 2007 7:49 am

    LOL :)

  18. Sofa King
    June 26, 2007 8:14 am

    Perhaps soccer would be more interesting if the players were forced to take alli and eat Big Macs before the game. Then, at least, there’d be some comedic value…

  19. wagon
    June 26, 2007 8:54 am

    I agree, PG, the game on Sunday was great. The second US goal made me jump up to my feet from my reclined position on the sofa.

    I went to a 1998 US World Cup qualifying match against Jamacia at RFK Stadium. The crowd there was definitely more Jamacian than American – down to the stereotypical Jamacian with dreads and a bowl sitting next to us. Great experience though being in a full stadium for a soccer game. I would recommend the experience for any soccer fan.

  20. spoon
    June 26, 2007 9:05 am

    I can’t bring myself to watch soccer. I’ve tried multiple times but watching a bunch of guys (or gals) kick a ball around the field bores me to death. At least in hockey they can hit each other and fight.

    Though, if I’m at Piper’s Pup having a pint I’ll watch a few minutes. Beer makes everything better :)

  21. DW
    June 26, 2007 9:34 am

    I enjoy watching a game of soccer when it’s between top teams. There’s def. some rumbling that goes on…remember Zidane’s head butt of that dude during the World Cup?!

    I’ve taught my daughter to linger outside the “scrum” of kids going after the ball. When it pops out, she takes it and goes! Good sport for kids.

  22. JeepJeep
    June 26, 2007 9:41 am

    Soccer is just a sport for people who cant catch….

    Shat (ding!)

  23. bucdaddy
    June 26, 2007 10:14 am

    Spoon, Beer ALMOST makes everything better. It doesn’t help much while watching the Pirates. LSD might.

  24. spoon
    June 26, 2007 11:06 am

    You need some stronger beer then. I suggest any Belgian or an Arcadia Shipwreck Porter.

    LSD only makes PITCHING for the Pirates easier. Just ask Dock Ellis.

  25. pghjack
    June 26, 2007 11:06 am

    So JoePa has been taking alli for how long?

  26. Zsa
    June 26, 2007 11:59 am

    Now I know what happened to Beavis and Butt-Head. They’re in product development at GlaxoSmithKline.

  27. Julie_Gong
    June 26, 2007 1:20 pm

    DON’T HATE ON SOCCER OR I WILL CUT YOU. (And yes that is yelling!) I mean that! Ha

  28. the 'genetically intellectually inferior'
    June 26, 2007 5:41 pm

    Hey! I can see my dick.

    Seriously fat asses. Try the salad.

  29. bucdaddy
    June 26, 2007 6:01 pm

    Spoon, Bones at Honest Wagner is going to owe me a Dogfish Head World Wide Stout when baseball’s season’s over (and sadly, that’s when it’s officially over, not when it’s over for the Pirates, which was two months ago). That should obliterate some bad memories of this year.

  30. spoon
    June 26, 2007 8:33 pm

    now THAT’S a good reward! friggin de-lic-ious! Which year’s Stout? Rumor has it that some 2002’s are popping up around town.

  31. Still A. Fan
    June 26, 2007 10:49 pm

    has anyone ever heard a person within the governments guidelines for BMI say “it’s not always diet and exercise”? gland problem? i’ll tell you what….you give me a 300 lb chickie. i want to be with her (well, not really) every day and night for 30 days to see what she eats and how hard she works out. if she eats right and works out (reallllly works out 4-5 times per week)and still doesnt lose any weight…..then i’ll start to change my mind. until then, it’s all bunk to me. are some folks more genetically disposed to holding onto fat? yes. work out harder. it is not impossible to lose weight. dont give up after 2 weeks or 3 weeks or even 3 months. pain is weakness leaving your body.

  32. bucdaddy
    June 26, 2007 11:51 pm

    Spoon, Whichever’s on the shelf at Fat’s, probly. I’d be happy with a 120 Min. too.

    “‘Lose weight without diet or exercise!’ Well, that pretty much leaves wasting disease.”

    Think that was a Dennis Miller line.

    June 27, 2007 7:46 am

    Thank you gentleman, FINALLY someone besides PG and I who feel this way and aren’t afraid to say it! :)

  34. DW
    June 28, 2007 10:14 am

    I’m down 25 lbs in about 2.5 months…NO medicines, shit oil or destroyed clothes. Basically took PittGirl’s advice, put down the junk food and started actually moving and exercising. New concept, I know.

    After the first 2 weeks or so, all becomes a habit and second-nature and I feel much better…except for a aching knee now.

    Unless there’s some real health issue, people don’t need this “crappy” medicine at ALL! We’re all over-medicated in general anway.

  35. Jeannie
    June 28, 2007 1:04 pm

    Thanks for the David Conrad fix!

    I would like to watch that “Dumpster” film.
    I guess I will have to do some research and find out where I can purchase it.
    Do you know??

    June 28, 2007 1:37 pm


  37. DW
    June 29, 2007 10:33 am

    many thanks, TRUTHTELLER! It ain’t that hard if you put down the hoho’s and simply MOVE around. It’s a change, but I feel much better so I’m not stopping.