Wow. Go away for a week and Dan Onorato just loses his mind and starts offing birds like the avian mob.
In a telephone interview yesterday, Mr. Baechle said, “We harvested 272 last Friday and Saturday. I am a naturalist by training and I really struggled with this. I didn’t think we were going to use lethal measures, but the problem was worse than we thought.”
“They had two people out on the lake in canoes and a guy on land with a laser,” Mr. Baechle said.
1. I like geese, so I feel sad that all these geese probably got their heads chopped off. How else do you kill a goose?
2. What was the guy with the laser there to do? Make the geese think they were heading to a rave?
3. “Harvesting” is such a nice way to say it.
4. Why are they so concerned about geese droppings but no one gives a shit about pigeon droppings?! As someone who has been pooped on by a pigeon, I’ve got to ask WHY AREN’T THEY “HARVESTING” THE PIGEONS?! Pigeons are much more of a nuisance than geese.
5. Some animal rights groups protested at Dan Onorato’s church over this. His church! I guess I missed the part in the bible that said, “Thou shalt not harvest the geese with lasers.”
Hey, where does Benny go to church? He’s a religious guy and if he starts with the interceptions again this season, I am SO going to protest at his church.
6. If they ever do finally harvest the pigeons (which will by my first official act as mayor) and anyone shows up anywhere with a sign that says “Let the pigeons live,” AFTER I’m done going “Mwah-hahahah!” I will unleash hungry falcons on the city.
And you’ll love me for it.