That's Church

Wow.  Go away for a week and Dan Onorato just loses his mind and starts offing birds like the avian mob.

In a telephone interview yesterday, Mr. Baechle said, “We harvested 272 last Friday and Saturday. I am a naturalist by training and I really struggled with this. I didn’t think we were going to use lethal measures, but the problem was worse than we thought.”

“They had two people out on the lake in canoes and a guy on land with a laser,” Mr. Baechle said.

My thoughts:

1.  I like geese, so I feel sad that all these geese probably got their heads chopped off.  How else do you kill a goose?

2. What was the guy with the laser there to do?  Make the geese think they were heading to a rave?

3.  “Harvesting” is such a nice way to say it.

4.  Why are they so concerned about geese droppings but no one gives a shit about pigeon droppings?!  As someone who has been pooped on by a pigeon, I’ve got to ask WHY AREN’T THEY “HARVESTING” THE PIGEONS?!  Pigeons are much more of a nuisance than geese.

5.  Some animal rights groups protested at Dan Onorato’s church over this.  His church!  I guess I missed the part in the bible that said, “Thou shalt not harvest the geese with lasers.”

Hey, where does Benny go to church?  He’s a religious guy and if he starts with the interceptions again this season, I am SO going to protest at his church.

6.  If they ever do finally harvest the pigeons (which will by my first official act as mayor) and anyone shows up anywhere with a sign that says “Let the pigeons live,” AFTER I’m done going “Mwah-hahahah!” I will unleash hungry falcons on the city.

And you’ll love me for it.