The Pirates suck.
I should just end the post there, huh?
While I was away, the Pirates sucked. They sucked last night when they lost 8-4 to the Mets, putting them a half a game out of last place, losing nine of their last ten, and 14 games out of first place, which, come on — the only way the Pirates will see first place any time soon is if they are there to clean First Place’s house or maybe mow its lawn. And even then, First Place would be like, “Please don’t make eye contact with me or speak directly to me unless I speak to you first, you loser.”
“I’m starting to break. I’m getting stressed out. I don’t know about these other guys, but I just want to win. I don’t want to be called a loser. Man, even my family calls our team losers, and I don’t want anyone to say that about our team.”
Ian, the reason your family calls your team losers is because YOU LOSE! All the time! In grand fashion! With aplomb!
You’ve lost 90% of your last ten games and you’ve never won 50% of your games in over a decade. Your team has been losing for 15 years! This isn’t Mr. Rogers Neighborhood where everyone is a winner and everyone gets a lollipop with their pat on the back.
This is Major League ball where when you don’t win … you LOSE!
If you don’t want to be called a loser … you’re playing for the wrong team.