PittGirl mines Craigslist … because it BEGS me to.

I’m sorry.  I’m not trying to rag on lame Burghers all the time, but as a regular peruser of Craigslist, I cannot help it that these people are just baiting me with this shit.  I gotta share.  I’m like that.

1.  I have never in my life heard the word “snooties” (is that redneck speak?) and ladies, this fish NEEDS to be the one that you throw back in and “let it get away.”

2.   On one hand I’m all, “At least he’s upfront in telling us he’s been a druggie, in jail, has no wheels, etc.”  But on the other hand, I’m all, “Whoa!  Too. Much. Information.”  Who answers a Craigslist ad from a former drug addict/convict with no car?

3 .  And who answers a Craigslist ad from a guy that admits he can “be a real asshole”?!  WTF is wrong with these guys?  “Hmm, what should I write?  My personality traits?  What I’m looking for in a woman? How awesome I am?  Nah, let’s go with ‘drug addicted former convict who sucks at love and can be a real asshole.’  THAT’LL get ’em writing me!”

4. Then again, this chick isn’t much better.  “I’m mean.  I’m soooo mean.  I can’t understand why no one loves me.”  Wah-wah wah.

5.   I bet this guy has killed before.  He’s kind of awesome, though.  He’s like Denis Leary if Denis Leary forgot to take his meds.

6.   Ugh.  I have to believe any woman that responds to this ad is just hoping to find someone she can beat the shit out of.

7.  “This is me.  This is my ass next to my guitar.  Yummy for you.”

8  Wow.  I bet this woman’s inbox is flooded with guys who just want a picture of what she claims are the “biggest boobs you’ve ever seen in your life.”  As of this writing, THESE are the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen in my life (TOTALLY safe for work.  Promise).

9.  If you REALLY need to see some boob-action, can I suggest Zenith on the South Side on August 15?





18 Comments

  1. SeanCollier
    July 27, 2007 9:44 am

    This is purely just out of curiosity, I haven’t gotten to the Craigslist level of needing a date…yet. But when I read these posts, and browse Craigslist myself, I can’t help but wonder…are there such things as Craigslist success stories? And I don’t mean “We got married and love one another and live in a castle in Shadyside with a moat and everything,” I mean “He/she was cool, we went out a few times.” Anybody meet any success on this comedic gold mine?



  2. pittgirl
    July 27, 2007 9:49 am

    Oh. My. God.

    AWESOME!!!!



  3. honda driver
    July 27, 2007 9:50 am

    holy heck these people scare me!



  4. NoSide15212
    July 27, 2007 9:53 am

    Regarding #7, what is “ass hockey?” Oh, wait…I put the em PHASIS on the wrong syll ABLE…



  5. NoSide15212
    July 27, 2007 10:00 am

    Sean Collier:

    Based on these profiles, I’d say any time the date doesn’t end with a trip through a wood chipper or having your remains scattered about the State Game Lands then you’ve got yourself a success story. And I’ve posted too much today. I hereby ban myself. Goodbye.



  6. Zsa
    July 27, 2007 10:28 am

    #2, the reason I will not date you has nothing to do with your jail time or addictions or lack of car. It has to do with your picture.



  7. bucdaddy
    July 27, 2007 10:33 am

    C’mon, PG, I bet you know PLENTY of girls who are out looking for assholes. Oh, they don’t put it that way, they don’t CALL him that, at first. But that’s what he is. He doesn’t care what he says or who he says it to, doesn’t care what he does or who he does it to, anything for a laugh — That’s an asshole. And he IS fun to be around, isn’t he? He’s kinda dangerous, MUCH more exciting than that guy who worships the ground you walk on but is just, you know, too NICE (read: boring). And he’s attractive — he MUST be, he always seems to have hot women hanging around him, even if he goes through one a week. So the girls MUST be looking just for him, and guys like him. So maybe the CraigsList guys just know how to troll, eh?

    I guess you can tell which way I leaned (asshole vs. nice) back in the day. Not that I’m bitter …



  8. pittgirl
    July 27, 2007 10:46 am

    There are absolutely women out there that like a nice guy. Provided he’s, you know, hot as hell.

    Hah!



  9. Ms. Caroline
    July 27, 2007 11:09 am

    7. I can hear it now —

    “Mommy, how’d you and Daddy meet?” “Well, your Daddy posted a picture of himself in his underpants on a free website and I just couldn’t resist.”

    Yes, nice guys. They don’t even have to be hot as hell! They do, however, have to have NEVER, EVER posted a personal ad on Craigslist….



  10. NY Luvs Pitts
    July 27, 2007 11:20 am

    Go PittGirl, go PittGirl, go PittGirl. Love your reply to bucdaddy. HA!!!



  11. TRUTHTELLER
    July 27, 2007 12:40 pm

    I dont’ care how hot he is, if he wears diapers I am RUNNING!!!



  12. Kelli
    July 27, 2007 3:12 pm

    See, nice guys are great, but they have to be able to admit that they, yes, on occasion, are assholes.

    Because every human being has at least a few asshole moments over the course of a life time.

    I bet Mother Theresa had them.

    And of course, the more time you spend around someone, the greater chances you have of seeing one of their asshole moments.

    So, I’m kind of over the nice guy versus asshole thing. The world is made of assholes.



  13. BBM
    July 27, 2007 5:13 pm

    NoSide15212–I am scarred for LIFE. The worst part? I’m an idiot and looked at some of the weirdo’s friends. There’s a Pittsburgher in there http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=91150979. I have got to find a fork and gouge my eyes out now.



  14. Mandy
    July 27, 2007 5:31 pm

    RE: the 50 year old guy who wants a girl who is not scared easily . . . is that the same guy who posted on Craigslist pictures of screws in his neck due to a car accident? I guess that strategy didn’t work and now he’s trying another bait to reel in the women.



  15. Zsa
    July 27, 2007 6:00 pm

    Re nice guy vs asshole:

    The truly nice guys don’t go around saying how nice they are. There ARE girls who can’t stand being with a guy who doesn’t treat them like crap, but that’s that ONE GIRL’S problem. Just like some girls projectile vomit if they eat Italian food and stuff.

    I like men who are sweet and nice and kind, but if they never call me on my crap (which I occasionally dish) I’ll probably dump them. It just makes me think that they have such a low opinion of themselves that they put up with a girl treating them like crap, and I have no desire to be with someone who hates himself that much.



  16. TRUTHTELLER
    July 31, 2007 1:26 pm

    gina,
    He seems like a nice fellow…what a catch…I wonder why he’s still single and unsigned??? :)