I’m sorry. I’m not trying to rag on lame Burghers all the time, but as a regular peruser of Craigslist, I cannot help it that these people are just baiting me with this shit. I gotta share. I’m like that.
1. I have never in my life heard the word “snooties” (is that redneck speak?) and ladies, this fish NEEDS to be the one that you throw back in and “let it get away.”
2. On one hand I’m all, “At least he’s upfront in telling us he’s been a druggie, in jail, has no wheels, etc.” But on the other hand, I’m all, “Whoa! Too. Much. Information.” Who answers a Craigslist ad from a former drug addict/convict with no car?
3 . And who answers a Craigslist ad from a guy that admits he can “be a real asshole”?! WTF is wrong with these guys? “Hmm, what should I write? My personality traits? What I’m looking for in a woman? How awesome I am? Nah, let’s go with ‘drug addicted former convict who sucks at love and can be a real asshole.’ THAT’LL get ’em writing me!”
4. Then again, this chick isn’t much better. “I’m mean. I’m soooo mean. I can’t understand why no one loves me.” Wah-wah wah.
5. I bet this guy has killed before. He’s kind of awesome, though. He’s like Denis Leary if Denis Leary forgot to take his meds.
6. Ugh. I have to believe any woman that responds to this ad is just hoping to find someone she can beat the shit out of.
7. “This is me. This is my ass next to my guitar. Yummy for you.”
8 Wow. I bet this woman’s inbox is flooded with guys who just want a picture of what she claims are the “biggest boobs you’ve ever seen in your life.” As of this writing, THESE are the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen in my life (TOTALLY safe for work. Promise).
9. If you REALLY need to see some boob-action, can I suggest Zenith on the South Side on August 15?