Criminals are hilarious.

Joseph Anthony Vaccarello, 25, of Wallace Road, Hampton, and Melanie Stemler, 25, of Community Center Drive, Richland, waived hearings July 27 on charges of retail theft and criminal conspiracy. Northern Regional police said that on July 13, Vaccarello and Stemler attempted to steal 32 DVDs worth $637.05 from Wal-Mart by attempting to hide them under children in a shopping cart.

“HIDE THEM UNDER CHILDREN”!!!!!!!!!

Saltlick Twp.

* Theft, four inflatable pink flamingos, owned by Dennis Geary, of Indian Head, from yard on Indian Valley Creek Road.

Giant inflatable pink flamingos on my neighbor’s lawn? I’d steal them, too. Then stab the ugly, property-value-bringing-downer bastards.

Casey Korotky, 22, of Pennsylvania Avenue, Coraopolis, waived a hearing July 25 on a prostitution charge. Korotky was arrested after a July 6 traffic stop when police said a man driving her around told police he was going to let her borrow money in exchange for sex.

“But officer, it is just a LOAN. “





4 Comments

  1. efw_west
    August 6, 2007 11:43 am

    I thought this one was the best in that story:

    Rosemary Kupniewski, 53, of Cranberry, waived a hearing July 25 on charges of burglary, theft and trespassing. Cranberry police accused Kupniewski of illegally entering the office of a Cranberry chiropractor who had fired her, stealing patient records and about $500 in office items, and then cutting the flower buds off a tree in the office lobby and leaving the buds on the floor.

    Destroying the tree….that will teach them!



  2. pittgirl
    August 6, 2007 11:46 am

    HAH!



  3. Sofa King
    August 6, 2007 12:31 pm

    I wonder what kind of interest rates the guy was offering? I’d imagine it’d be on some sort of sliding scale:

    HJ-20% APR
    BJ-15% APR
    Doggystyle- 5.9%
    Back-door- 2.9%



  4. Pensgirl
    August 6, 2007 4:22 pm

    So, based on who got arrested, it’s OK to give a loan in exchange for sex, but not to give sex in exchange for a loan. Wonder if Jason Bourne needs any money…