W.T.F?!?!?!!?

70,000 entries!

That’s seventy THOUSAND entries and the best one of the bunch was … I can’t even type it …  [inhales deeply to supress gag reflex] … Steely McBeam.

Uncle Crappy says:

I have to go finish laughing until I wet myself.

Woy (PittGirl’s Alfred the Butler) says:

I’ve never, ever been embarrassed to say that I’m a Steelers fan. Until now.

Anthony says:

That’s some funny shit. When I heard that name, I immediately thought, “That would make an awesome porn star name!”  Fourth and inches? No problem for Steely McBeam! Wakka chikka wakka chikka…

Julie says:

Not only does the mascot look like a psychopath, but now he has this terrible name to boot. It sounds like something you would make up when you are drunk. I can only assume that the person who submitted this name is a raging alcoholic.

I had just come to terms with the fact that this ugly thing even existed (if Benny is the Duke of Fug and the Earl of Gross, Steely McBeam is the King of all Fugdom), when they go and give it a name that is the equivalent of loading live, smart-bomb ammo into the trash-talking cannons of Browns fans everywhere.

What the hell do you say when that drunk Browns fan next to you starts ragging on Steely McBeam?

I tell you what I’m going to say right after I throw beer in that person’s face.  I’m going to say, “You, drunken ugly, sir are so right and if I was a different kind of person, I would break into Steelers headquarters, steal every Steely McBeam costume I could find, take them to the parking lot of Heinz Field and burn them all in a glorious bonfire of ‘What the hell were you thinking, Rooneys?’ and I would be a hero and when I was brought before the judge for breaking, entering, stealing, and bonfiring, the judge would say, ‘PittGirl, you are charged with stealing and burning every Steely McBeam costume ever made.  I hereby sentence you to being named the most awesome person in the world and also, on behalf of Steeler Nation, here’s a million dollars.  Rock on, PittGirl.  Rock. On.'”





49 Comments

  1. Gunn Lino
    August 9, 2007 9:19 am

    Steely McBeam ? Sounds like a McDonalds idea gone bad.



  2. DW
    August 9, 2007 9:23 am

    My daughter, seriously, is afraid of him.

    Agreed Woy, I’m now a little embarrassed to say I’m a fan.

    Like the Pens “Iceberg” mascot, he’ll last one year, TOPS.



  3. NY Luvs Pitts
    August 9, 2007 9:26 am

    AW HELL TO THE NAW!!!!! I’m a Christian woman but this is gonna make me cuss someone out today!!!!



  4. Uncle Crappy
    August 9, 2007 9:27 am

    I was right — waiting for your reaction was totally worth it.



  5. pittgirl
    August 9, 2007 9:28 am

    I worked hard to live up to your expectations. You, sir, put pressure on me with that little post of yours.



  6. DW
    August 9, 2007 9:31 am

    Sorry…I think Iceberg is still w/ the Pens. I may go to all the games, but pay no attention to him!



  7. Puma
    August 9, 2007 9:31 am

    Apparently “Steely Dan” was taken.



  8. Moe the Dog
    August 9, 2007 9:35 am

    When I heard the name I turned to my wife and said “at least it will be fun to watch a bunch of drunks drench him in beer”…pathetic



  9. NY Luvs Pitts
    August 9, 2007 9:41 am

    And I guess John Diss was taken too.



  10. Puma
    August 9, 2007 9:43 am

    John Diss, ha! Shame-us O’Toole?



  11. Woy
    August 9, 2007 9:45 am

    A direct quote from an internal work e-mail that I saw:

    “What the f is that? Steely McBeam? Might as well call him Ass Man.”



  12. Pensgirl
    August 9, 2007 9:45 am

    One of my favorite things about being a Steeler fan was that we didn’t need any %$^#@! mascot or cheerleaders or any of that crap. It was just about the football. Now we have to look at that monstrosity…and how dumb to name it after a dead industry. Yeah, steel is part of Pittsburgh’s heritage. 1) The team name is enough to honor that. 2) Clinging to it, even in something this ridiculous, doesn’t really help the attempts to shake off the city’s smoky image. How about calling that lug something that represents modern Pittsburgh? Like “The Last Pittsburgher.” Or “UPMC.”



  13. dano
    August 9, 2007 10:09 am

    Ive been waiting for the blog since I saw the announcement last night…

    Im still a fan of “The Terrible Idea” that one cracks me up…I do feel bad for the intern in the costume…hes gonna wear more beer and get his arse kicked…if they add cheerleaders or a dance team…that would be the nail in the coffin…



  14. SeanCollier
    August 9, 2007 10:15 am

    What the hell were the rejected names? Steeler’s Wheel? Ben RocksTheBurghers? The Football Fool? Polamauler? The North Side NoGoodNik? Alan Faneca?



  15. BBM
    August 9, 2007 10:18 am

    If this thing sticks around longer than a year, I’m going to go stand on the Liberty Bridge and wait for it to collapse.



  16. Uncle Crappy
    August 9, 2007 10:27 am

    See? I wasn’t the only one who was waiting. And, of course, you came though, just like we knew you would.



  17. Susan
    August 9, 2007 10:28 am

    Scary Larry the clown.
    honestly this thing is just about as scary as those flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.
    good gawd I hope it doesn’t fly…

    I’d rather see the block lettering come back than this mascot crap!
    http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/213037975

    How about some football?
    How about a beer soaked clown?

    laughing stock of the league for sure :(



  18. pittgirl
    August 9, 2007 10:32 am

    PensGirl, Sean, and BBM:

    HAH!

    You guys made me laugh out loud.



  19. plexxer
    August 9, 2007 10:33 am

    Oh, the shlock-level has not even begun to peak yet. What’s going to be the halftime show? Well, Ol’ Steely McBeam is going to prance out onto the field decked out in leather pants with the yet-to-be-hired ‘Beamers’ cheerleaders and … wait for it … Riverdance!



  20. TC
    August 9, 2007 10:39 am

    Maybe this is part of a larger conspiracy to distract us – perhaps management expects a lackluster season and is looking to the Pirates for guidance. Can racing food be that far behind? Steely wheeling out a trebuchet to launch Primanti sandwiches into the upper decks? That oh-so-too-often-played video of John Belushi’s rally speech from Animal House? Bobblehead night?

    I need a drink – here’s to a Super McQuick-Death.



  21. BBM
    August 9, 2007 10:49 am

    If the Liberty Bridge doesn’t work out for me, then I’ll just McBeam the idiot that came up with the idea, the idiot that is willing to wear the costume, and anybody that tries to stop me.



  22. Burghthing
    August 9, 2007 11:03 am

    pittgirl, I was sure you would recognize anniversary in the modern tradition:

    Anniversary # Traditional Gift Modern Gift
    First Paper Clocks
    Fifth Wood Silverware
    Tenth Tin / Aluminum Diamond Jewelry
    Twentieth China Platinum
    Twenty-Fifth Silver Silver
    Thirtieth Pearl Diamond
    Thirty-Fifth Coral Jade
    Fortieth Ruby Ruby
    Forty-Fifth Sapphire Sapphire
    Fiftieth Gold Gold
    Fifty-Fifth Emerald Emerald
    Sixtieth Diamond Diamond
    Seventy-Fifth Oval Hideous Mascot*

    *with Incredibly Stupid Name



  23. Julie_Gong
    August 9, 2007 11:04 am

    I think Steely McBeam sounds like he belongs in Mr Rogers Neighborhood.



  24. Tinare
    August 9, 2007 11:07 am

    It’s a sad, sad day indeed. Can’t believe the Steelers management has sunk to this kind of low. We don’t need an ugly-ass mascot with even more ridiculous name.



  25. dano
    August 9, 2007 11:09 am

    Drunken McYinzer?



  26. parking chair
    August 9, 2007 11:24 am

    What a sick, angry bitter woman! The lady who came up with this is a grandmother of 5. Remember, it was ANOTHER old lady who nailed Ben with her boat-like sedan last summer. So, what do all these old ladies have against the Steelers?

    Do some checking and I think you’ll find one common thread – in the 1950’s, these women were all jilted lovers of young playboy Danny Rooney.

    Mr Rooney, you can never escape your past. Now we must all suffer with this terrible Mascot with a moronic name.

    Even Hitler McHitler would have been a better name.



  27. DW
    August 9, 2007 11:36 am

    This guy might get rolled in the parking lots, not even making the stadium.

    Def. a porn star name, winner must have had dirty thoughts about the Ken Rice mascot.



  28. Ms. Caroline
    August 9, 2007 11:47 am

    We’ll need to drink plenty of Jim McBeam to get over this one.



  29. NY Luvs Pitts
    August 9, 2007 11:47 am

    Tinare: It is a sad day indeed in the city of Pittsburgh. My condolences goes out to you all.



  30. Pensgirl
    August 9, 2007 12:05 pm

    Pittgirl, I thought you’d like my UPMC suggestion. Happy to bring laughter to the world.

    parking chair, interesting theory. I thought maybe the Rooneys had secretly sold the team to Howard Baldwin….



  31. dwight
    August 9, 2007 1:13 pm

    Okay, is that totally the gayest name (not gay in using gay as an insult, but just purely gay). I mean, hello, Ally McBeal … Steely McBeam … I’m so going to interrogate all my girl and ‘mo Calista Flockhart-loving friends to find out who the culprit is! Actually they culprit is whoever picked it from the entries. Ugh. And I’m not even anti the mascot, but that name is … and excuse the rhyme … lame!



  32. Bram R
    August 9, 2007 1:24 pm

    I have to admit: this mascot may now be so bad, it has wrapped around to kinda good.



  33. Sofa King
    August 9, 2007 2:01 pm

    Well, at least the McBeam name pays homage to Pittsburgh’s huge Irish population. Oh wait, that’s Boston….

    This thing needs to die. Now. For the sake of all Pittsburgh.



  34. Bob M
    August 9, 2007 2:10 pm

    Yoy and double Yoy. The mascot idea will die a cruel death (one can hope).
    I still believe that if you must have a mascot, connect it to the one true Steeler icon, the Terrible Towel. I would have named it “Iron Myron”.



  35. parking chair
    August 9, 2007 2:28 pm

    Or make him a Rasta Terrible Towel and play “Iron Myron Zion” every time he enters.



  36. Ms. Mon
    August 9, 2007 2:56 pm

    Thanks for recognizing our diligent work on the silver-tongued Mayor Luke, PittGirl!

    We also have BREAKING NEWS about Steely McBeam — just in to our newsroom. Check it aht!



  37. Susanne
    August 9, 2007 3:04 pm

    Ok, Damage control time.
    This scary thing needs to come ripping out of the lockeroom all Evil Kenevil style and jump through a blazing ring of fire and tear through a paper life size picture of himself. Yeah! and at every home game he TOPS that with something grander!
    Please email the front office with your ideas for his next stunt. Chad and Whosyourmomma are gonna have a field day with this. I know its styled to be manly, but it makes the gaydar go off.



  38. Pensgirl
    August 9, 2007 4:46 pm

    Susanne your comment made the connection for me: Steely fits much better with San Diego’s theme song than ours.



  39. thejim
    August 9, 2007 7:24 pm

    That mascot makes me sad on the inside and outside. =(



  40. Matt H
    August 9, 2007 7:48 pm

    Why do we even need a silly mascot?

    We have won 5 Super Bowls without a stupid mascot running around on the sidelines and in the stands.



  41. J
    August 9, 2007 8:12 pm

    Actually, Iceburgh tends to be more representative of the Penguins in the schools and at various community events … He’s actually been around for about … oh, 15 years, if anyone really cares.

    I picked “Stanley the Steelman” for the new Steelers mascot. Still pretty lame, but I’d like to think it’s better than what it is now.



  42. PittCheMBA
    August 9, 2007 10:18 pm

    KDKA TV interviewed the lady who submitted the winning entry. She admitted that the “McBeam” came about because her husband’s beverage of choice is Jim Beam. It is nice to know that the Steelers Mascot was named for booze.

    I heard a rumor that the official naming ceremony was delayed due to trademark issues, not because the judges could not make a decision. Is McDonald’s involved with this in any way? I will take a McRib with my McFlurry with my McBeam.



  43. Susan
    August 9, 2007 11:07 pm

    http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/mcbeam

    here is a petition to get rid of the damn thing.

    My dad was an ironworker, and I never saw him deck out in farm duds to weld bridges. Bib overalls are for farmers!

    Ms. Mon – love it.

    LEGENDARY STEELWORKER MIGHTY JOE MAGARAC PREPARES TO MELT STEELERS MASCOT “STEELY MCBEAM” INTO “ALUMINUM MCFOIL”

    if only it were so .. I’d pay money to see that!



  44. M. Silenus
    August 10, 2007 8:54 am

    (overheard at Steelers HQ)

    Steelers Marketing Intern: It’s alright, Steely. The fans will warm up to you…

    Steely: @@$&*! I CAN’T BELIEVE I GAVE UP A PART IN THE SIMPSONS MOVIE FOR THIS $%&@! SIENNA TOLD ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!! BAAAAAAGGHHH!!!!

    Steelers Marketing Intern: Here Steely, take your pill…

    Steely: …AND THOSE @&**$$!! BLOGGERS!!!! I’M GONNA KICK ALL THEIR ASSES!!!! I WAS ONLY IN ONE OR TWO PORN FLICKS. THREE. THREE. IT WAS THE SEVENTIES, OK???? !*$%**%%

    Steelers Marketing Intern: Uh, Mr. Rooney?

    Steely: SOMEBODY GET MY AGENT ON THE PHONE!!!! AND I’M HUNGRY!!!! BRING ME JEFF REED! I NEED A SNACK!!!!! $%@&*#

    Steelers Marketing Intern: mr. rooOOOOoooney???



  45. Steely Dan
    August 10, 2007 12:46 pm

    Is it true that Steely McBeam is named after a steam powered dildo from some book? Mwoohahhahaha!!

    What the hell is Rooney smoking? Whatever it is, it must be some real powerful stuff.



  46. MountaineerHoo
    August 10, 2007 6:04 pm

    The mascot could make a guest appearance on “Grey’s Anatomy” and just be known as McBeamy.

    On second thought, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.



  47. bucdaddy
    August 11, 2007 1:46 pm

    That’s almost as good a porn star name as the one on the road sign along I-81 near Wilkes-Barre I saw this week:

    Ashley
    Sugar Notch



  48. leslie
    August 11, 2007 3:33 pm

    My 3 year old nephew is scared to death of him! He cried when they showed him on tv for the beginning of the contest and cried again when he saw him at the “ceremony”!!! Help!!!!



  49. nyquil
    August 18, 2007 9:30 am

    For years there was a perfect mascot that we could have taken from the movies…. Sloth, from the Goonies. He was able to say “Hey younz guys” with authority and beat up his own family. Sloth was not a pretty sight but people warmed up to him….

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sloth_(The_Goonies)

    I guess when the Rooneys realized that was John Matuszak underneath the makeup it was ruled that no likeness of a Raider, regardless of how much latex and makeup, would breach the hallowed halls of Steelerville. So we ended up with a chin….